28/07/2008

Way before the term ‘cliché’ was framed!




Every thing was so easy.
Guy: “Hi, I think I like you. I think, I can’t live without you. Will you marry me?”
For a girl: // Mind you, this line for her wasn’t a cliché because ‘cliché’ wasn’t termed yet. This line was like a fresh strawberry ice-cream from the Freezer.
Girl: “Yes, I will” (I think the ideal response should have been. “Yes, I think I will!”, because the guy “thunk” a lot too! )

Guy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Why should I? // with an attitude
Guy: uhmm…because I think you have beautiful eyes!
Girl: awww…sure I would love to go out with you! //Again, mind you! This is perfect in say 1861 AD. Considering that Akbar, Shah Jahan, Sher Shah Suri and co. didn’t have to use these lines. Oh come on, they had wealth; thereby they had ‘power’ and the rest you know….

Coach (after half-time of an American football match): You know what the problem with you guys is!? You guys aren’t playing as a team. (If Sir. Alex Fergusson says that after Manchester United are 0-1 down against West Ham United at The Old Trafford, Christiano Ronaldo would retort back…”Excuse Me! Welcome to Modern Age boss! I believe you need to revise your ‘evolution’ concepts!” )
But, if some Hungarian football coach of early 1900 had said this, the team would have gone into ‘deep though’. Yes, the boss is correct!
The human race is smarter now. ‘Clichés’ are hated!

On the other side!
Let’s consider movies. Now, here we do have a problem. Even so-called ‘smart’ directors, base their script on ‘clichés’, knowing very well that ‘clichés’ don’t work with the movie-goers now!
Still, why do they risk? Maybe, people who are so-so-so used to clichés, they start loving them eventually. Yes, true fact!
When a hero is hit with a bullet (after 743 attempts by the villain), he is bound to recover (Whatever maybe the recovery process!), but the villain dies with just one shot (1 attempt).
Cliché? Yes!
Do you really want a change to this good guy-bad guy rule? Naah!!

All foreigners, be it French, German, Mexican, Russian, Aliens from Outer Space, speak in a common language. English! (of course, exceptions are there in really good movies!)
Cliché? Yes!
Do you want a change to this rule? Naah!

In movies, babies are always born clean with a perfect face and lot of hair on the head. It looks nice.
Cliché? Yes!
Do we complain? Naah! Do we really want to see an ugly, hairless, dirty baby? Naah!

So, we do love clichés! Reason? I would want to know! :-D

PS: ‘Cliché’ is a ‘French’ term.
PPS: A famous quote: “It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then, like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.”

15/07/2008

....the Song remains the same...


Welcome Son! Welcome Son!

*I enter! I look behind! I look sideways, left and then right! No, actually it was right and then left with a reverse 180 degree turn. It looks safe!*

I smile; a subdued one!
He gives me a broader smile! There was another commando sitting next to him. But why? I didn't call him! I am mystified!

I take my seat.
They take theirs.

They look at each other and smile at me, I am perplexed.
I give a moronic flabbergasted smile.

I present my case. I want to fly kites in Cairo with the Bantu speaking tribes of Africa.
They look at each other and smile yet again. I am baffled.
There are people with five years of experience who haven’t flown kites in Maldives and you are talking of Cairo?! Are you nuts!
Nuts I was! I stand on my chair and do a small heartbreaking jig. They are impressed. Their faces shine on each other like a crazy diamond. They don’t believe that Syd Barrett is dead!

I present my case 2.01. I want to eat roasted Jelly-fishes in a firang-filled beach somewhere in Southern India itself.
They look at each other and smile. I am bemused.
There are people who don’t get to eat the huge Japanese Spider crabs, and you are talking of Jelly-fishes.
This logic made me think. I was teleported back to my kindergarten days and I could see my ‘professor’ asking me to explain the ‘Quasi-empiricism in Mathematics’. I start crying asking for my mother!

I present my case 3.045. I want to dance with an Angel in the sea of tranquility
They look at each other and start laughing. I am astounded.
There are people who don’t go to zoos of Antarctica despite the fact that they love green mangoes during rainy seasons.
I think. I personally enter the Cerebrum and ask the Neuron Guards, Did you get the logic? They smile at each other. I am still confused. The Neurotransmitter system short-circuits. I get a shock!

Now, I don’t get to present my case anymore. Now I have to dodge their bullets. They load their respective guns. One holds a semi-automatic riot shotgun, the other, a Winchester M1897 Shotgun. They provide me with a purple 4 by 4 square inches hanky and ask me, protect yourself, son! I gleefully accept the hanky!

In a very far away town Montgomerry, Alabama, Dylan sings!
” Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortunetelling lady
Has even taken all her things inside”

02/07/2008

Giggle-ATM-Giggle


Location: Axis Bank (ATM), 80 ft Road, Koramangala, Bangalore
Date and Time: Saturday, 6:15 p.m. (So, that is like peak hour!)

I am standing behind an almost-old guy. And in front of him, stands two ladies (20 something), one pretty sweet, another not so!
The tall guy leaves the ATM and makes way for the ladies in waiting.



I, obviously, can’t hear any conversation from outside. So, here I put down the presumed talk-pieces.
Sweet lady: * Searching through her purse, finally takes out her card, say after 45 seconds *Hey, this is my card! Isn’t it sweet? Ohh, I can’t forget the first time I used it! * *Giggle Giggle*
Not so sweet lady: *Further giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: Hey, check my new hairstyle! Guess, from where I got it done!? *Giggle Giggle*
Not so sweet lady: Uhmm…from the Athabasca Glacier of the Canadian Rockies?? *Elegant intellect-look giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: *Disappointed look* Oh come on, sweetheart! *Head bent at 60 degrees giggle*
Not so sweet lady: ok...uhmm…from Bandar Seri Begawan?? *Can’t-stop-the-giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: Duhh..Duhh… *Rapturous giggle*

The guy behind me: Gawdd, and I thought only blondes are dumb!!
Me: hehe..Excuse me! Can you hear ‘em?
The guy behind me: Naah, don’t need to! They look dumb! Hehe

The almost-old guy in front of me: Ladies, can you make it a little faster?! *knocking on the ATM door*
I closely monitor what the sweet lady exactly does!
Puts the card inside—looks at her friend and semi-giggles—hits ‘English’ after a thought-process of 10 seconds—unlocks her purse again much to the annoyance and confusion of the people standing outside—takes out a small paper—reads out a 4-digit number—further co-giggles—forgets the number—reads the paper again—this time without any giggle enters the code—bang--it is wrong—every head outside the ATM is in utter disbelief with a shocked expression and mouthing the WTFs by now—the lady enters the right code this time—hits all the right buttons thereafter—smiles and relief all around outside the ATM—takes out cash and makes way for her friend—Half the crowd outside wipe sweat and the other half, tears of their face!

Not so sweet lady: So, are you going to Rubina’s party tomorrow?! *Animated giggle*
Sweet lady: Guess what, am getting Rostraponkaitos along! He is so cute, he came from Belarus just for me, Isn’t that like sooooo sweet?! *Look-at-me-I-am-Cinderella giggle*
Not so sweet lady: Awwww….
*Before she could giggle. BANG BANG from outside, the almost-old guy in front of me almost broke the door of the ATM, the guard had to stop him! Four people from behind the line left seething with anger, they wanted the cash on Saturday itself, I believe!*

I closely monitor not-so-sweet lady’s activities!
Puts the card inside—enters the code after checking the same from her mobile—everybody outside are pleased with her, shakes their head in approval...*this one is smart*--The display moves to the next screen—everybody outside are further pleased…*Right code, yeah…right code*--Hits ‘savings’—hits ohhh..wait..for it…Balance—“OMG chants outside”—she checks balance—takes her card out—inserts it again—enters the number, yes, of course checks her mobile again—Three more people behind me leaves mouthing slangs unheard to me—This time she enters ‘Cash Withdrawal’—Withdraws the money—puts her card inside her purse—both girls give the *accomplished giggle* to each other!!

The crowd (well, its just 6 of us now) gives the sweet and a half girls a thunderous applause. The girls (Not understanding the applause was a taunt! Oh come on!!! Godammit!!!) gives us further thanks-a-lot giggles and leaves!

I looked at my watch! It was 6:40 p.m.!

PS: This is a true story! :|
PPS: The PS above is also true! :| :|