I don't like The Man

A splash of water woke me up. I, somehow managed to open my eyes and get the feel of life, universe and everything, well, almost everything.

And I could hear the immortal words of Jack Black... "Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!" ~~ School of Rock

Why did I wake up? To fight against the wishes of The Man? To prove that The Man is wrong? Whatever it is, I knew the truth, but I kept it safely away from the 'Expediency'. I kept it locked in a safe away from sunlight and the devil.
I just wanted to defy logic and run and keep on running.

"And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to nought
Or half a page of scribbled lines" ~~Time - Pink Floyd

One day, tired, I realized! Realized that I was after all running after a mirage. I jumped, missed it, hit hard on the face and injured myself really bad. I cursed! I got up and tried again, because The Man mocked at me. Did I succeed? No, of course not! I got hit even bad. I could not stand up. I lay there, vulnerable, in the middle of irrefutable nothingness staring at The Man with baffled eyes. The Man laughed. Did I learn a lesson? Well, only time will tell.

After many many years, I woke up from eternal gloom. I faced the light, ignored The MAN. I came in front of the sea. The Mighty sea. Eye to eye!

The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head. ~~Into the Wild


P.S: This 'I' in the blog can be anybody! You, me or even The Man's younger brother! You'll have only one life, live it to the fullest! :)

Cobhem and 'em

Once upon a time, in the days of Nicolas Odranguez Mofatu, when he was the ruler of Acris Dabala, there lived a man called Cobhem Thalem.

Cobhem was a man like no other man, no, he was not a woman, but yeah, he was special, ‘unique’ I should say. He was illiterate, he never went to nursery or to school or to high school or to college or to any B-school or…ok…you get the point! He was illiterate. He didn’t even have a PHD, believe it or not. But, this man had a vision, like no other man or woman of his era. He could foresee things, things that’d happen 100 years after him and even things that’d never happen, or things that might have happened if he wanted to foresee it. Apart from vision, he had an ultra-vision, about things that’d happen 1000 years after him and even things that’d never happen or things that might have happened if he wanted to ultra-foresee it and so on and so forth. In short, he had an unrivaled super-intellectual outlook towards life, universe and everything.

There was a section of people who really loved him and appreciated his powers, but then there was a section of people who hated him because he had exceptional powers. The people who hated him were his elders who used to get an inferiority complex when he was around. And there were the cobblers who felt irritated about his comments on Cobbles and Babbles which made no sense to them, thereby they hated him too. And there were the musicians in the court of Nicolas Mofatu, who hated him too for very valid reasons. Cobhem used to come to court and laugh out loud every time the musicians played and made funny noises with his nose mocking the musicians and their ancestral cousins. This made the musicians irritated and thereby the relevant show of hatred towards the guy. And then there were the beggars who hated Cobhem. Cobhem used to give the beggars cork-openers and plenty of them. He found the entire thingy very funny, but the beggars didn’t! They didn’t like red wine or even sparkling wine for that matter. In fact, they couldn’t afford wine. And then there were kids who hated Cobhem. Cobhem used to come to play with the kids and give them weird gadgets and educate them with some philosophical gibberish which didn’t go too well with the kids, in fact, it traumatized ‘em. Apart from all these people mentioned, there were women who hated Cobhem. They hated Cobhem because he never took the right stance. If they asked him to take the right stance, he always took the left stance and this particular thing highly offended woman of all caste, creed and size.

But, the rest loved him. They worshiped him. Many of these mistook him for some GOD or something. He made sense to them whenever he wanted to make sense to them and when they couldn’t make any sense to the fact that their sense didn’t come in terms with the sense that Cobhem tried to make or didn’t try to make, they accepted the fact that Cobhem is actually making sense to them. But, overall, they were happy, a happy bunch of three; Cobhem’s deaf dog, his blind parrot and his arrogant brownish-orange diseased mongoose.

some random lactose stuff!

A life! As soon as we step on to this planet, we start crying, we cry because we are afraid of survival, we are afraid of the irrefutable thought of encumbrance in our daily existence. Well, if we don’t cry, we use words like “Mom….Daddy…..” Our parents become so happy to hear those words, but the poor things don’t realize what the kid’s actually trying to tell. The kid actually says…”Mom…I am hungry, Can’t you see that?”….”Dad…I want that toy…Don’t you understand me” and there starts a way of life, as we’ll call it. “I”. I want this and I want that. It starts with tricycles, dolls, toys, a cricket bat, a football, a guitar, a this and a that! Do we really care for anybody? We’ve come here to live for ourselves, live our life, live our dreams, live our desires, and then peacefully leave this world without even giving a thought about the people who surrounded our very subsistence, and more importantly for that long!

We try to stay within this hypothetical circle we create for ourselves. The circle is filled with “our” needs, “our” demands, “our” friends, “our” dreams. We are scared to step out of this circle, scared because we think we’ll fall. We try our best to stay inside it, and make sure that we are the cynosure of every eye within it. We stoop down to the lowest level of an egotistic being. We leave no stones unturned to satisfy our incredibly huge appetite for worldly pleasures!

Well, let me give you a second chance. A chance to live your life again! Will you live it for somebody else? Do you want to know how it feels to live for somebody else? Do you want to experience how it feels when you leave your so-called-safe-circle and enter somebody else’s and live this life for him/her?

Well, I do. I am tired of cribbing, wanting things for myself. I am tired of being selfish. I really want to be the paradigm of a philanthropic endurance. Ok, that was a little too much, but yeah, something on those lines! :-)

Oh Almighty, if you are reading this blog, please give me a second chance, another life, well, don’t take away this one, just rewind it 26 years and I promise I’ll make you proud! :-D

Mom, Many happy returns of the day yet again! Sorry, I stay so far away from you and I know it sucks, it sucks BIG TIME! Yeah, that is BEING SELFISH. But, I really love you mom! I seriously do! Please forgive me for being such a self-absorbed human being.

And you readers please read this blog and forget about it. Please keep my ‘insane image’ intact! :-$

Ohh yeah, and thanks for all the pheeeesh! ;-)

I neva thought that you'll lose the light in your eyes!

We walk to a place called Lazeez for dinner...sometimes. My room-mate has night-shifts mostly, so after dinner, he goes straight to office, while I walk back home, a 1 Km walk!

One of these days, we went to Lazeez, we ordered some dishes which I really don't remember. We were eating, as usual. I looked down, picked up my glass of water and.... my room-mate wasn't there! I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, drank that glass of water, poured another, finished that too.
I checked, re-checked, shut my eyes, opened it afresh, and found that there was absolutely no plate in front of me. Mine was there, not my roomie's! Did I come alone? Impossible! Am I dreaming? No ways! I picked up my phone, dialled his number.
Me: Hey, Sam!
Sam: Ehh! Hello! Why did you leave while I was taking bath?
Me: Shut up, stop kidding me. Where the #$@% did you disappear?
Sam: Dood, am serious! You just left, even the door is ajar! Where are you?
Me: I am eating...no..was eating..you are here...no there...I mean..you were here...I swear!
Sam: Dood, you need some rest, come back, I'll order my food, don't worry.
Me: Jesus! You are serious? This...this...ahhh..this can't be for real. Okay, am coming!

I paid the bill, and yes, the bill had items that was ordered for me, not my room-mate. I wanted to slap myself hard, in fact I did so! A curious onlooker gave a passing smile to me, and I thought he said.."So, how was it? Don't you realize it? You are being fooled!"

I ignored the guy. Or was it a girl? Nevermind. I walk, no, almost ran home. I saw a dead crow on the road...I've ahhh..never seen a dead crow! For a moment I felt like...the crow got up, walked down the road, followed me and flew up, really high, finally getting lost!

I reached home, wiped off some sweat and a bit of horror from my forehead and eyes respectively. I was shocked to see the door locked. I opened it with the keys that I had! Keys! OMG! I had the keys. Then how did he?! Jesus! I ran inside, of course, my room-mate was not there! I picked up my phone and re-dialled.

Me: Okay! Enough is enough! Tell me, where are you heaven's sake?
Sam: What?! You left, remember, I took my cab, left for office. What's with you?
Me: O, no! Shut up! Nothing is wrong with me. Stop fooling around. Cut the crap.
Sam: Okay, fine. Come online. Check! Am online on Gmail. Dood, am at office, please! Sleep off, I know work is getting into ....
Me: No..no...no...okay, wait! Didn't I call you 20 mins back?
Sam: No, you didn't. Absolutely not. Why will you call me while eating dinner together?! Okay, listen, I've work. Will meet you tomorrow. Bye.
Me: No..ahh..listen..moron...don't... *and the line went dead*

I just couldn't believe what happened! It was beyond me. I sat on my chair and listened to some music and tried to clear my head! Out you go, confused soul!

I finished my novel and walked towards my bed...Dood, you need some rest...Yes, I do. I found a small piece of paper that I threw away when I entered the house. It was the bill! I picked up the paper, my eyes shut. I just didn't want to open my eyes. God, this is it! Prove everybody wrong! I am right! This crazy thing actually happened. And then..with all the courage in the world...I opened my eyes... The bill had...
4 Paranthas
1 Chicken Korma
2 Firnis.
1 Tandoori Chicken (Full)

Jesus! No. :-|

simply Sir.QLC

Here’s an important message for you ladies, and you gentlemen and you immature guinea pigs and don’t feel disgusted my brothers, it’s also for you little baffled navy-green tadpoles.
The message is simple and clear or you can say clearly simple or maybe even simply clear, it’s all upon you, how you interpret it!

Whenever, now carefully get your ear-drums close to my mouth-piece, I was saying, whenever you feel something’s wrong happening to you, something is going absolutely out of your hand, or say something that is not happening as per ‘expected results’, you can just go ahead, drink 125 ml of cold water, flash a wry smile and blame the mishap on Sir.QLC.

Okay, I can see the right hand of yours slowly moving towards the back of your head, trying to scratch, quite simply, the back of your head, well, DON’T DO THAT! Yes, I know, I hardly made sense in the past, I am not making much sense right now, and I am not going to make any sense in the near future or even in the year 3223 A.D.,but still, for this one time, listen to me. So, the point that I was trying to make is, these mishaps are not a fault of yours, you have absolutely no hand in it, or even your left nostril with no offense whatsoever to your right nostril. These are all manipulated by our not so beloved Sir.QLC. Efficiently planned, neatly designed, and proficiently executed with incredible panache! Sir.QLC works with supreme charisma, ruthless in his attitude and carrying an unforgiving demeanor which surely makes your life, hell!

Okay, now before you get all excited about this so called Sir. QLC, it is time to call your mom or check your birth-certificate or even ask your best-friend about a certain thing and that thing my dear friend, is your age. If you have celebrated your 24th birthday already or you are some days away from celebrating your disgusting 26th one, then you are the CHOSEN ONE. You are in ‘that’ phase of your life, where Sir. QLC offers you a helping hand much to your disgust and dismay. Who sends Sir.QLC to you? Well, that GUY whom we call ‘GOD’ or something, has a machine that produces millions of Sir.QLC’s every minute and HE with all his might and attitude, sends Sir.QLC to accompany you in your tough times, to make it even tougher for you.

So, next time, when the hot tea spills over your blue dress and turns it pink with gray dots, you know whom to blame! When your boss slaps you three times and calls you ‘Irrational Mutant’, you know whom to point your finger at! (Err, not to your boss! Keep your disconcerting thoughts away, please!) When the tortured peacock flies over your head and poops on your girl-friend’s head, you know whom to shout at. (Okay, I know the peacock doesn’t fly much nowadays, but getting the point across, is something that I desire!) And finally whenever the tribal people of Greenland come in your dreams, dances with you and beats you to death, you know exactly who in the name of yellow submarines, you are going to hold responsible! So, there you are, now get your smiles back, throw the worries out of the window, and lead a peaceful and beautiful life! Because, simply, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are faultless, you are an ultimate being! Sir.QLC is to be blamed!

As for the rest, if you are having torrid times, blame it on your genes or your neighbor’s irritating German shepherd.

Oh, if you are 25 and you are trying to call your mom now, then the number will be busy, so call later.

P.S: This blog is dedicated to somebody! :)

gifts are beautiful...except buying 'em! :)

Gifts!
Ahhh...how about a watch?!
Naah, too common!
A formal shirt?!
Uhmm..too formal!
Okay, then ahh... a box of chocolates?!
No ways, gimme a break, that's for a kid!
How about a bottle of wine?
He doesn't drink.
Okay, how about a good book, a thoughtful one!?
He doesn't read.
Ahh...then maybe a nice perfume?!
Ohh..No... He smells pretty good.
A photo-frame?
No. Doesn't convey anything!
A collection of good rock n' roll music from the 70's?!
Ohh...He is more of a Gazaal guy!
A free ticket to Paris and 4 days and 4 nights stay below the Eiffel Tower?!
What?!?!?!?
Ok, I was kiddin'...ahhh...a digicam maybe?!
Too expensive.
A charcoal painting of his favorite musician?!
Very boring!
A pink and red-striped tie?! Don't kill me.
I'll give him a dead mongoose rather!
okayy..lemme think... a toiletry bag!?
Very frivolous!
A 8 gb pen-drive and 2 rechargable batteries?!
I am going to kill you now!
Ok..ok...a hunter air rifle?!
He is against violence.
A stainless steel set of 1 spoon, 4 knives and 3 forks?!
You don't love yourself, right?
Hehe..Ok, yeah, I've run out of ideas, now I'll come up with only such bizzarre stuffs!
Guys are hopeless!
I know!

Random Blahs and the not random Blahs and the other kind off Blahs!

15 Supposedly Random things about me.

I picked up this tag from a friend, and here I go!
It's mostly senseless, the what-in-the-name-of-the-dead-lunatic-camel-can-be-interesting-about-you? feeling is also a huge possibility. So, you can stop right away and go and fry potato chips for your pet cat or maybe, even for yourself! Doesn't matter! I won't mind at all!

1. I love the lemon flavored 'AXE-deo' (Recover) very much, but in recent times, like say, 1 year, I've used at least 328 different kinds of deos. I didn't like at least 325 of those. I don't remember the three that I liked!

2. I love my watch so much that I'm ready to relinquish everything in life and be with it, for ever and ever and so on.

3. I've loved 'Good Life' from a long long time, since my college days. If you earthly zenoliaticostics are wondering 'So' and rambling 'We all love a good life', then Madam and their puppets, I'm talking about 'A milk packet'. Disturbing? Yeah, I know!

4. I bought a game-pad last year (It is a set of two) and it was heavily utilized when I used to fight it out with Ravi (my ex-roomie) in games of Fifa 06'. We used to play till early hours of the morning. Now, it just sits bored and rusty and angry! Ahh, good ol'days of madness!

5. I'd love to have a music band of mine, some day, when I'm like 65 or something! ok, am kiddin', but seriously, maybe in the next 2 years! I can sing and all, I mean, the words come out of my mouth in the same order in which I want 'em to come out and that is NOT easy, trust me! I'm pretty okayish with the guitar too. I've almost zeroed down the other guitarists, drummer, Band-Manager (yeah, even that) but not yet a key-board player! *sigh*

6. I've always wanted to go down to London and have some beer, donuts and catch a derby football match between Arsenal and Sp*rs. I just want to 'feel' that feeling! :) At least, 97.6% of my friends know this 'wish' of mine! :-$

7. Till one hour before every blog I write, my brain doesn't have any notes or pre-thoughts about what I'm going to write. I pretty much suck at this 'process'. About 99.82% (or maybe 99.84%, not sure!) of my blogs are instant-write-ups and thereby pathetic to the order of 5.

8. I'm trying to find a suitable date, time, space, a specific atmospheric condition, a specific positioning of the moon, a specific position of the planet Emaro_Zelitesh_0972 of the galaxy of the same name, to sit and prepare for GMAT. Right now, I don't have any news of that 'suitable' all-the-stuffs, but I'll get back to you, once I find out!

9. I suck pretty much at making a playlist when I start working at my office. So, most of the times, I just drag and drop some albums of Maiden, 'tallica, Coldplay, Kings of Leon, or anything that I feel won't bore me during the course of the day. If it does, I don't enter another album, I choose to unplug my head-phones. Yeah!

10. I've watched every episode of 'How I met your mother' multiple times but I don't have time for the 300 odd movies that I've in my hard disk and DVDs. That's strange. When I love some thing, I make it my habit. ok, maybe, that's not really strange! Or is it? Nevamind, that's not even the point! Jesus!

11. I've this desire of having a big house with a 20.1 wireless speakers surround sound system. Every room, every corner of the house will have speakers. At least 2 neighboring houses will also be connected to my Sound System. With time and money, I'll spread the system in my entire colony and then my city and then..ok...am just gettin' carried away. The 'adrenaline' and all that! An 8.1 Altec Lansing for my room will be fine. I can peacefully headbang to 'Maiden's Afraid to Shoot Strangers' and drink Pan-galactic gargle-blasters and romantically think about Muscatian Zombies! :)

12. I love burgers! McD ma favorite! KFC, okay, fine, great! Burger King, never ever tasted it! I would really want to! :-(

13. I am lazy at calling people. Okay, am VERY lazy at calling people. It's like, I decide, 'Am going to call him/her', rehearse all am gonna talk (Made this up! :-$) and then I freeze. I just freeze in fear, as if the Axe-man is behind me chasing the shit out of me! (ok, made this up too! :-$). The thing is, in plain language, am just lazy at calling people! :-( *period*

14. I am eagerly waitin' for a something! I know it's probably not going to happen. But wth, it's cool to wait and be eager and wait and be eager and..ohh..am repeating words! :-|

15. The longer I write, the more 'insane' my write-up gets! It becomes really bizarre sometimes, cutting across madness over the seas and the altars. The birds fall on tress and fracture their wings and the glasses fall on babies and make them cry and people eat and piss me off and I eat and piss people off..but..I don't care...Roda Roda!! Hola Hola! Is that a dead mosqito? Man, I hate dead spiders, feel like bringin' 'em back to life and smashin' their head just to see the greenish-blue pulp....ohh.......darn!!!
...............................

Ohh Balm Ahh ...Who?! What?!

Well, this is like those status update mails you send to your manager while your watch reminds you that you have just ten minutes left to catch the company bus for home.

This is also probably like one of those flying kites-on-the-moon sagas where you know very well that the kite won’t fly or maybe it would and you would wake up holding your forehead in a bitter hangover. After all, ten bottles of ‘Red Bull’ doesn’t necessary give you the energy to run a 50 KM marathon. A disgusting but highly confusing hangover is a more reasonable after-event. I think you got the point. Or maybe you didn’t. But, that doesn’t make any difference whatsoever to your boring life or to understand this blog.

Okay, what was my intent of writing this blog? Let me get started. Yes, finally!

Ballack Obama! Or whatever his name is, I am not really concerned. I am tired to the point of choking myself to death by inserting the entire Hanging Garden of Babylonia into my mouth. Who the buck is he? No, seriously, is he changing the world? Has he promised to do so? How are you so sure about it? Or even on a more basic level, is he the President of the World or just Ukraine? Or whichever country he belongs to?

My problem lies with these Indians. Okay, okay, ‘we’ Indians! Why the buck are we so concerned about this Osama guy? Err…that was the guy who bombed America and escaped right?! The clever terrorist! I hate the guy. He keeps on coming on television and threatens the Americans openly. Man, isn’t he brave? The confusing thing is, who captures the guy on camera? Why the buck doesn’t he know where he is or where this Osama is? Is he on some expired defective cannabis?

Oops, I am sorry, I diverted myself from that Obama guy. I heard he was good at painting and all, in his childhood days. People say, he is not white, he is coloured, now, whatever that means!

We Indians are so obsessed with the Americans (yeah, I just wikied and updated my knowledge-base). Why are we not bothered about our President? I remember the MTV Roadies Show, where spare one female contestant, none had the faintest idea who our President was. Ask them about America and uhmm…well…they are too dumb to even know that! It is a very strange situation. People all over the country (or is it World?!) getting hyper-excited about this Obama guy becoming President of America and delivering a stellar speech and all. I mean, come on, the Abrahams, Kennedys and Clintons gave stellar speeches. What is the big deal NOW with this guy? Just because he is colored? Can’t we just let it be? Some Bocardo Alfanso Timur Junior from the untamed Amazon Basin can go and become the President of Russia! How does it matter? Don’t we have better things to do? Don’t we have more important things to take care of? Like, say, handling the bomb-blasts situation at Mumbai!

Ohh, an update on that situation! I heard we have taken the ‘samples of those blasts’ into some frozen underground lab at South Pole and covered ‘em with Grizzly bear skins so that they become disgusting for the Pakistanis to steal or even contemplate on stealing. Yeah, that’s about it on that front. We have sent beautiful flowers and greeting cards to our friends at Mumbai and asked ‘em not to fear! ‘Be brave, we are there’, has been the message! Beautiful, moving and very thought-provoking I should say.

Yeah, so that’s about it on the Borat Obama Martins front or whatever his name is!

On a personal front, I’ve been overloaded with truck-loads of work. I need to carry truck-loads of metamorphic rocks from Jaipur to Calicut everyday. Stop staring, it is a stupid metaphor, try to feel my pain!

I seriously need a break. Maybe, a peaceful trip to the Himalayas where I can meditate peacefully while playing Iron Maiden on full blast will really help me! Apart from that, I don’t have anything that will excite you or your dull existence, so you can get back to what you were doing or not doing or trying not to do.

Okay, so who is our president, again?! :)

...Done and Dusted with 08!...

Wohh! Nine days already into the new year of Two Oh Oh Nine, and I finally get some time to scribble some good and bad stuffs about the previous year and feel good and bad about it respectively. Ok, honestly, I am plain lazy! I can be so lazy that sometimes I wish the bottle of water kept at a distance of exactly three feet away from me now, just flies and reaches me! OK, let’s not get into that part, some of my wishes can freak people out, way too disturbing!

Ahh, 2008 is no more! First of all, a minute of silence for the same *R.I.P 2008*! I think If I try to summarize the previous year in one word, I would use legen……..wait for it……..dary. Why legendary? No, I didn’t win a lottery ticket! No, I didn’t get a limousine free with a small sachet of a Surf Excel washing powder. No, I didn’t get married to Angelina Jolie or Natasha Henstridge. I was just introduced to the most amazing sitcom mankind had ever heard of/seen. ‘How I met your mother’! Yess! Absolutely brilliant stuff! Talking of sitcoms, I downloaded and scraped through a few more like ‘Coupling’, ‘Southpark’,’Weeds’,’30 Rock’ and even revised episodes of ‘That 70’s Show’. Most of these have permanently taken a very special part in some corner of ma heart!

Learnt the guitar! That’s an achievement; I wasted a lot of time not learning it! That was stupid of me! Very stupid! Thanks to my ex-roomies Ravi and Mondeep, this was possible. I’ll try my best to continue the good process and learn some neat lead, buy a capo, and by year end, I should be able to play ‘Hotel California’ quite flawlessly! Ohh, looks like Resolution One!

I managed to write 22 external blogs; now that is really a small number compared to the number of posts written for my internal corporate blog. I’ll try my best to improve on that number this year. And there’s going to be a huge number of absolutely senseless, highly sickening, psychedelic and irrational posts, I swear! Jeez, Resolution Two it seems!

We ‘Soccer Saturday-Infosys’ almost won a Soccer Tournament, but NO, almost is far far away from WINning it! Guess what, who missed ‘that’ penalty kick that denied us the trophy? Yes, your highness! *takes a deeply disgusted and shameful bow*. I’ll really love to win a trophy this year with my team. Godammit, Resolution Three it seems!

I bought my mean mean gaming machine way back in May, 2008! And guess what, I’ve hardly played any high-end games! Who has the time man, to be mean! I mean, to be sitting-in-front-of-the-mean-machine and play some mean mean high-end-graphics games!! Really sad! Here, I would like to apologize to my GeForce 8600 GT in front of everybody and promise her that I am going to play with her this New Year, a lot! And yes, there goes my resolution Four!

I got into a really good project, learnt a lot of stuffs, and got a chance to work from my client location, though the place is just 20 minutes away from my company. :) I hate the fact, that time is almost up and I’ll have to go back to Infy, really enjoyed the stay ova here, contrary to what I initially anticipated! No, resolutions here!

There are a 1000 other things that kept me occupied, a 10,000 other things that could have kept me occupied and half a million other things that didn’t keep me occupied last year! I don't really remember all of 'em. I'll just leave Black-n-White faded memory scraps below.

The Joker-The Mega Rock Concert-The Typhoid Days-The sad days of Arsenal Football Club-The sad industry-We beat the Aussies-Rick Wright passes away-My first original composition-The visit to Don Bosco NGO-The Terrorist attacks-The Media Seminar-Some lovely memories-Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy-Sorry Bhai-Red Whine-etc-etc-memory fades away

Have an amazing new year, everybody!
And yeah, don’t love/trust anybody more than yourself! :-) You are precious!

Deeply Depressed Dance of Death

Ok. Let me make this clear! This is going to be a very depressing blog! Not one of those, Hey, I am feeling really down man!! blogs, this is brutal, this is of massive depressing proportions!
This blog also calls all those who are deeply depressed in a deep depression of a depressed cloud of paranoiac Depressia! We need to join our hands (not one of those Siamese twins thingy!) and if possible our depressed heads, noses, ears and even the left part of our depressed kidney and come together to spread across the message of 'beautiful depression'! We need to be one for all and all for one, if that made any horse-shit-analogous-sense! Let's fly high the reddish black flag of profound depression and make lives of people around us highly depressing! We shall name our club/team/fool's-gathering as 'Deeply Depressed Dance of Death' or 4-D and if that name is not cool, then Hrithik Roshan is gay (He is gay anyways!)

Now, I have chalked down some action items, of how to get people around you depressed:

1. As soon as the Burj Tower @ Dubai gets completed (September 2009'), get on top of it, tie a iron bell to your neck weighing more than 100 pounds, make sure you jump with your legs on top and your depressing face facing downwards. You should crash down and turn into depressing red rubbles. This will make the millionaires in Dubai highly depressed and the Americans will nuke the Tower.

2. You need to make a trip to Africa, meet and befriend some Bantu speaking tribes, stay with them and become buddy-buddy! Then at exactly 11:00 p.m. at night, shout "Hora Hora, Bikunggi Tabahara, Pakri Pakri Demakush" and throw six coconuts at them and start running for your life. Make sure, you don't look back. These people will get so maddeningly frustrated at not being able to decipher a shit of what you shouted, that they'll follow you for exactly twenty two minutes, make your life miserable by shouting slangs at you of which you won't know a dog-shit! This will really make these tribes depressed and they'll call each other the N-word for the rest of their lives.

3. Catch hold of a smiling Japanese businessman, a smiling Chinese businessman and a highly depressed American businessman. Tie all of them together to smelly poles painted with Koala Beer's piss! Now, stick an empty bottle of Kingfisher Beer into the mouth of the American and let the Chinese and Japanese abuse each other. Trust me, the American will be so mighty depressed that he might choke to death out of Neocohntraic-ChingungEff'emall-Dirtyeffers-depressed syndrome!

4. Finally, you need to give a LSD dosage to your neighbor's dog. Make sure the dosage is more than 500 micrograms and thereby causing major psychotropic effect on the canine. The dog should go into perennial depression and eat only monkey brains for the rest of it's life. Make sure it never stops crying and bites its master thrice every day as it stays uber-high all the time!

P.S: There won't be any customary N.O.M here. All offense meant!

Per fake shun!

Perfection! Oh, how we run after it! Like a poor, innocent kid running after his broken kite in a breezy evening, as the kite flies away far out of the kid's reach-n-sight!
Painting the perfect picture where you can successfully capture all possible human emotions! Somewhere, most of the times, we miss the trick, we miss that Da Vinci touch! ..just.. *sigh*
Giving that perfect pass, piercing the defenders, in a football match! Zizou had a blemish remember, that head and that butt! err, I mean head-butt! :-D So, he ain't GOD! *sigh*
Fretting with a perfection, making sure you don't leave any chord as you try to play your favorite Pink Floyd number! See, Gilmour was born to enchant us with his amazing voice, on-stage el casuale histrionics with his six strings! We won't be that flawless, after all! :) *sigh*
Finding your perfect love, the dream girl or the dream guy! Ahh, there we go! The day-dreams, ohh, the night dreams too! Wake up friends, it doesn't work that way! :) *big sigh*
Having a perfect day! Well, many would argue, come on dude, I had a perfect day many times! But, wait, isn't that relative? Think again! :D *compressed sigh*
Cooking the perfect food! The most delicious one! No offence to Moms, even that is kinda 'not possible'. Ok, am being a bit cynical now! *no sigh*
Delivering that perfect speech? The crowd erupts and chants your name repeatedly! An encore! Naah, doesn't happen! Get up, pick your sandals, rub your face off because the tomatoes and potatoes don't really give you a sexy look, you see! :-P *sigh*
A perfect relationship! Gimme a break, or maybe two breaks! Superman and superwoman anybody? Ahh, what do we call those tales where fairies are involved? ohh, stupid me, FairyTales! :-D *big sigh*
A perfect blog? I will wait for that day, when I get the comment, 'Dude, this was a perfect blog'. Not really, I won't wait for that day! ..the day that never comes.. *sigh*

Live life man! Get satisfied man!
Leave the 'Kingsize' bit to SRK and his over-the-top movies! :)

A better tomorrow.

Isn't it a strange feeling to stand in the middle of a desert and hear distant voices calling you? Voices which are recognizable, voices which you want to reach for, voices which mean something to you! I don't have the mot juste for it, but it surely is a very strange feeling, unable to reach the voice. It haunts you beyond your imagination. It gives you a cramp in your stomach and paralyzes you to an unfathomable degree. It makes you cry. Tears that flow, that freezes and then flows again finding a new reason every time to cut loose from your eyes!

But then... A hope! A promise! Of what? That you can reach the stars if you jump high enough! That you need to eat the red-apple-of-infinite-wisdom to become immortal! That you can reach that beautiful place at the end of this world which is devoid of worries, pain, hatred, unjust, envy, misunderstandings, by just closing your eyes and thinking of Angels in blue and white attire! That you can live your entire life in Cockaigne, free from disharmony!
False! These are false hopes, without even being very practical.

A sudden realization dawns on you that you can't reach the voice, you press your ears hard with your trembling hands and try to throw away the clamorous surroundings from your wretched state-of-mind. You show a renascent attitude, shining with a new belief. You stop running and smile at the foolish thought of swimming in 'uncertain' -blue-mirage-oceans- ! The realization is not a manna-from-heaven for you. It is not a life-support-system provided to you during your ill-health. The realization is just your chance to live your life more purposefully, it is but a divine afflatus to carry you into the new sunlight of a much better tomorrow. The quicker you make it, the faster you reach utopia, err...no...lead a beautiful and most importantly a normal life! Come on, life is never perfect for anybody! :)

A note on the foot: This Blog is dedicated to somebody!

Failing Rhyme.

Wasted Chairs.
Fading Orange cherries.
A dead mind.
Haunted Blackberries.

A step closer to hope.
A step away from loss.
A black and white vision.
Away from all the gloss.

A little hint, a falling leaf.
A shelter. A failing rhyme.
Tired dogs of war.
Somewhere, lost in time.

A long note. A deserting smile.
Below the Canopy. A liar.
A baffled existence
A candle. A burning desire.

A scotch. A drunk throat.
Shaky. Changed by a whip.
An outcry. A lost battle.
Outright Failure. Losing a grip.

The son rises.
Surging ahead.
Some kind of glory.
It’s all in de head.

What is left behind?
Another heart-beat, another time.
The new is heavenly, as it seems.
An attractive shelter, yet a failing rhyme.

..chasing rabbits...

You walk on the road, look around and feel a metaphorical twinge of weirdness. You want to take out the sword and wield it against the monsters and monster-in-laws, but you realize that this is no fantasy and you are right in the middle of bright-sunshine-kicking-you-in-the-back-side reality! You keep away your sword that you never had. You walk a little further, cross the allegorical bridge of human affability and find yourself right in the middle of the malevolent rat-race. If you are a smart-ass, you’ll smile and return back every shot fired at you, with an incredible ease. If you are not, Satan will take over all your responsibilities. HE will pick you up by your collar; hang you in the air placing a river below, crammed with blood-thirsty crocodiles and asking you to give an honest attempt at flying, slowly and wickedly leaving your collar. Since you weren’t a smart-ass, you fall down into the river. The crocodiles don’t eat you; they smile and return back to holier waters waiting for a braver and a worthier prey. You feel like a smart-ass indeed and yell out words of bravery and wisdom. A minute later you realize that you can’t swim and thereby drown into the metaphorical depth of competitive pressure. You were not a smart-ass actually.

A friend (involuntarily named ‘A Slap’) of yours accompanies you in your times of great difficulty. ‘A Slap’ is polite to you, respecting every decision of yours, applauding every move of yours, and criticizing every incorrect step you take. But, there is a blemish in this friend of yours, you realize! It is like a robot, it doesn’t have emotions; it doesn’t guide you the way you want it to! But, honestly, you don’t know ‘that’ way either. You shout at it, clearly voicing out your viewpoint towards it. A Slap revolts, throws you into the midst of a metaphorical oven of excruciating pain and suffering. You try to get up and get away from it; you can’t find your way out! You are weak. This is closely observed and enjoyed by ‘A Slap’ as it leaves you to die in your wretchedness.

What? Lost? Bemused? Goaded?
Looking for a key? Why do you think I’ll make life so easy for you?

Please leave me alone…..

Ohh..

….And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Recall Alice
When she was just small

When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know!


Any Joy?

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 3. Battle Front.

Prazarella: We either make or break in this war?
Sounkuchetsu: What do you want me to make? I can break, yeah, that’s not a problem!
Nuttsville: Is that a Godzilla? Aren’t Godzillas extinct or something? Ok, no, maybe, Water Lily’s are extinct! Or maybe both?
Reneibeizer: I think we should divide ourselves into groups of two and take our positions.
Prazarella: Yes, Sounkuchetsu, follow my lead; we’ll place ourselves over those rocky hills on the Northern Frontier.
Reneibeizer: Yes, that is neat. I’ll accompany Nuttsville and place ourselves on the Southern Slopes.
Sounkuchetsu: Yes, that sounds neat to me too. We’ll break stuffs from there and you guys break some stuffs from here. Or we can change positions too! Or whatever!
Nuttsville: I maybe hallucinating but are you guys really ignorant about the Godzilla? Or maybe I am not hallucinating at all, and you guys are complete idiots.


Prazarella: Nuttsville, we are supposed to hide and fire at anything we see that is moving. That's what the boss has ordered! Do you get me?
Nuttsville: That is fine. But, do you really want me to harm an innocent Godzilla? Even when it is moving? I don’t mind it! No, I mind it!
Prazarella: Oh god! There is no Godzilla! Or Lizards, or even tigers for that matter! We have received orders to kill moving objects and so we shall be doing the same.
Nuttsville: This smell of fresh air is so intoxicating. Can we go to a pub and have beer and tomato sauce or even hamburgers with extra cheese will do? What do you say?
Prazarella: No! No! We are in the middle of a freaking desert, don’t you understand, you moron! Ok, watch, something is moving!
Nuttsville: Where? That’s a leaf! Let me take aim!
Prazarella: Yes, shoot! Shoot hard! Cut it into pieces! You wanna make war, you bas@#$%s! I am gonna break war!


Reneibeizer: Dude, nothings moving! What do we do? I am getting bored. Do we return back when something moves? But, then we’ll miss it when something actually moves! So, we stay!
Sounkuchetsu: You think this weapon is good enough to kill the millions and millions of Persians that’ll attack us? I mean, what if we get exhausted of bullets? Will the Persians take us as slaves? I don’t mind that! But, I want good food and free surfing and downloading!
Reneibeizer: No Persians are attacking us. And moreover, we are not attacking any Persians! Wait, why do you say so? I mean, why did ..no…how did you get that intuition that we might get attacked by Persians?
Sounkuchetsu: I didn’t get no intuition. I know it! They’ll attack! It’s written in my destiny! To get slaved by Persians and eat Mutton by a swimming pool! Isn’t it marvelous?
Reneibeizer: Dude, that is serious! We don’t have time, we need to inform our boss and even let those two idiots on the Northern frontier know about this impending Persian attack. We need to find out ways to counter Elephants! Damn it! We are timing short of run!

Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking from Northern Frontier? What’s the news from your end? Over and out!
Reneibeizer: This is Reneibeizer speaking, and wait a second, you are no captain! And yes, we are under attack by Persians! Get as many elephant warriors as is possible. We’ll try to stop them by throwing stones or maybe rocks! Over and out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! We don’t have no elephants here. Not even ants! We are on a desert for the sake of Buba Bin Bladen! How are we supposed to get those wild animals from Africa?? And are you sure about the Persian attack? What are the odds that you guys can stop them without us getting elephants, not that we can get them anyways!? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captain, god dammit! We have already reported boss! He gave his orders pretty clear and straight-forward. We really don’t have time! We need to act fast and clever! Over and Out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! What does boss say? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captian, you Muscatian mongoose!!! The boss says…”Kill anything that moves” Over and Out!

...The Bosco Kids...

Ahh…twas a really nice experience!
I am referring to my visit to an NGO in Bangalore. It was a first of a kind for me. I was actually accompanying a friend of mine, but nonetheless, twas quite incredible!
We were picked up from a common place along with other volunteers for the event and taken to the NGO (somewhere near Old Madras Road). A Father Dcosta (okay, I forgot his name again, my friend’s gonna kill me for this!) takes care of the NGO, bringing up homeless kids in a fantastic fashion, leaving no stones unturned to make their life a fruitful one to live. If I say ‘These were a bunch of talented kids’, my friends, it would be a gross understatement! Some of them acted really well, some danced with panache, some played around, in short, they were a cluster of enthusiastic and highly talented kids. It was good to see many volunteers around, some of whom even performed in the small function arranged for the occasion of Deepawali. There were volunteers from MBA colleges, there were a few Media Persons, a few on their ‘internship-program’ and others were trustees/helpers. Ohhh, yeah, these kids even cooked food for us, which honestly was pretty decent. After lighting ‘Diyas’ and leaving them to enjoy further on ‘their’ festive occasion, we left the place with a mix of a touched and an amazed feeling.

I hope I can return back to the place, and teach these kids some football! Oops, I said it! Shit! :)

Apart from that, I am having a restless time in my life and I won’t say “Dunno Why?!?”, because I know why! :-(
I hope I can come out of this “certain period” as soon as possible.
I want to hold a pigeon in my hand; can somebody show me the door to ‘Certainty’ so that I can rest in peace, dead or alive?

That was just your life!

It's good to be back and I'm back to be good. Confused by the second part of that statement. Well, I'll clear all confusion in some time.


I've decided that, from now onwards, I'll be good! Too much of a generalized statement hunh?. Okay, I'll make things even more clearer. I'll change certain things about me which were bad, rather terribly bad. No, no, you are wrong, if you think that the guy will stop talking crap, the guy will stop preaching 'shiteducation' of irrelevant and inappropriate gibberish (Gibberish can be relevant too, is it? :-S Whatever!), then you need to rethink!
I'll stop calling people by names. No, I don't mean that I'll whistle and call people or show eye/hand movements to call people. I meant names like Dogs, Donkeys, Idiots, Morons, Monkeys and Mamata. I'll rather call them 'Faithful dogs', 'Helpful donkeys', 'Important Idiots', 'Meaningful Morons', 'Clever Monkeys' and err..'Mamata'! I'll stop talking of music and not boast of the fact that I've a sound understanding and 'knowledge' (oooh! Strong word! ) of music. Rather, I'll talk of Siberian Mongooses and their ancestors. In fact, I have a trivia right away. A 1000 years before Lord Jesus Christ was born, there existed Siberian Mongooses, but this trivia was never proved or even talked about anywhere to this date! Unbelievable? Well, don't believe it.
I'll stop talking about football and not boast of the fact that I play and have a very decent understanding of the game. No, I won't. I'll rather talk about 'Liposuction' and its advantages and disadvantages in Modern Times. Since, I don't have any knowledge on this particular subject, my talking/blabbering/preaching can be very disturbing and harmful for human beings, but then there is a good part about it and that is, I won't be talking about football, right? :-D

Apart from this, I won't be talking in 'satires' or 'irony' or 'metaphors'. I'll call a Spade a Spade. I mean, come on, if you call it Clubs or Diamonds, it would be cheating in a Card Game right? No, I won't cheat.
Similarly, if Zoliacorzen Morzee dies, I'll say, he died. I won't say 'Zolia kicked a bucket', because that'll be lying right? What about his family? His dogs? His cats? His car-drivers? Why do I give them renewed hope making them believe that the guy actually kicked a bucket and just hurt his toe, because that is not the truth?! The 'fact' is Zoliacorzen Marzee died, and nobody should change it.

So, that is that! I hope I can follow the rules I've set for myself. It'll be better if the rules follow me, because I am lazy.

Adios! Oops! :)

...Wasted it all.. A self-composed song

The audio recording of this song will be posted when the recording is done! :)
For the time being, please check out the lyrics and the chords. The strumming is pretty simple. It is something like this. DOWN-DOWN UP-UP DOWN-UP-DOWN-UP.

C D
I was afraid, I threw away the six strings!
C D
They never understood the G lik'a G would be!
C D
I sat beside a lake staring towards the 'livion.
C D
Not waiting for my signal, they rushed to me.

[ It's the same chords throughout! ]
My irritation was ignored, the flag was flown.
an ol' book was brought to me, I was asked to write.
They tied my hands, the red drops were bliss!
But I still had it in me, I put up a fight!

The guillotine was brought, he waved his hands.
The merchant rode by, showed me no compassion.
I cried my hearts out, wanted my last chance.
The princess watched cold, from her old mansion

I lied there unmoved, like a dead man ought to be
Another chapter was closed, mocked the city lad.
The eagle stooped low, t'was mighty concerned.
walked away everybody, leavin' the 'reaved n' the bad!

A
Why was I chosen to live
G
.... this life?
A
The stars were a better place
G
... to live.
A
Or is it that they gave me
G
... a chance
A
And I lost it and wasted
G
... it all...
Dm
.....wasted it all... (x4 times and voice fades away!)

PS: This is an initial stage for the song, there's certainly going to be changes in chords, lyrics and many such post-processing before I come up with the finished product. :)

Qutb-ud-din-Aibak

A long, long time ago, in the times of Emperor Qutb-ud-din Aibak, everything was so easy. The emperor lived a tension-free life. He enjoyed his drive down the country-side (I mean, Old Delhi) in his dark red Lamborghini Gallardo. He was a gadget-freak! He had a MS XBOX 360, an i-Phone 3G, an i-Pod Classic, a Sony Cybershot DSC W130 and a time-machine. He was satisfied with what he had. He didn't want more. He practiced 'Slavery' and strongly believed that it was uber-cool, it helped people to become efficient and disciplined. On that point, one Oskar Schindler would have High-Five'd him in some imaginary Historical Time-to-time Continuum.
Qutb had a problem in life. He had a friend who gave him suggestions, regarding most of the decisions he took. Well, the suggestions weren't a problem. The problem was the guy. This guy was called Fillin-deih-eehars Mohammad! FDE Moddy gave suggestions even when he was not asked to! He gave suggestions even when there were no problems discussed with him. He gave suggestions even when he could not give suggestions. He was a give-suggestions-addict! How does one get rid of such people? Qutb had no other options. One night, he sneaked into FDE Moddy's room and stabbed him thirteen times with a fairly long vegetable knife. FDE Moddy died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Iron Maiden's 'Afraid to shoot strangers'. The lines were...
"But how can we let them go on this way?
The reign of terror corruption must end
And we know deep down there's no other way
No trust, no reasoning, no more to say
Afraid to shoot strangers"

Qutb was perplexed about these lines because he listened to Shania Twain and Snoop Dogg all his life. Iron Maiden was not his cup of tea.
Days after the murder, another guy came to meet Qutb, he was called Pleahh-Leehen-tuhh-meah Gurk! This guy wanted to help Qutb. PLT Gukky helped Qutb when he was asked to. He helped Qutb when he wasn't asked to. He helped Qutb when he couldn't help Qutb. Qutb became irritated with this guy. One night, he sneaked into PLT Gukky's room and fired him six shots from his Mark 1 0.50 Desert Eagle semi-automatic pistol. PLT GUkky died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Metallica's newly released 'Unforgiven-III'. The lines were...
"How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?"

Qutb started realizing and understanding a few common things between the two murders. One day, when Qutb was watching 'The Dark Knight' in his Samsung DVD-player, a guy named Kahein-kahein-seeaye-Jaatein Burbak came and challenged Qutb to an one-on-one battle. Qutb was a bored man, he accepted the challenge. He fought very bravely, lost an eye, but won the battle. He killed the man! KKSJ Burby died, but before dying he sang aloud a few lines from Floyd's immortal classic, which were...

"Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life"

From that day to the day Qutb died, his iPod classic was always filled with Rock Music. He understood it! He felt it! He loved it! He worshipped it!
After his death, his grave read...
"There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And shes buying a stairway to heaven.

PS: The 'Historical facts' mentioned in this blog are utter rubbish. If you believed them, then you are stupid, not me!

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 2. In an art gallery

Well, here goes part-2 of the crazy series!
Things will get more and more serious from now on!

Prazarella: "What is this?"
Nutsville: "This is art!"
Prazarella: "I know that! I was wondering what the person actually drew. I can’t figure out."
Nutsville: "If you can’t figure out, how do you know it is art?"
Prazarella: "I just asked because people were admiring it."
Nutsville: "People admire it, doesn’t mean you’ll need to admire it too! People admire killing of pigs. Do you admire it!"
Prazarella: "No!"
Nutsville: "See!"
Prazarella: "No, I mean NO, people don’t admire killing of pigs."
Nutsville: "Some do! But that’s not the point. It’s about art. Admiring it or not admiring it!"
Prazarella: "Do you know what art is?"
Nutsville: "No!"

Reneibeizer: "Look at the brush stroke! It is beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes. No. It is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "What makes you think it is not beautiful?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I never said it is not! I just said, it is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "Look at the dark purple shade behind the trees in the midst of a sunset! Beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, it is ugly! The shade shouldn’t have been there and it should have been a sunrise."
Reneibeizer: "You are supposed to just admire or not admire the painting! You are not supposed to pass a judgment."
Sounkuchetsu: "Where are the other two?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t have the slightest of ideas."
Sounkuchetsu: "There they are!"

Prazarella: "Guys, these are some amazing paintings. Aren’t they beautiful?"
Reneibeizer: "From whatever I understand of painting, these are beautiful."
Prazarella: "What do you understand of painting?"
Reneibeizer: "Nothing!"
Nutsville: "I find this a very stupid place. I think we should leave."
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, the paintings are ugly. I say this from whatever understanding I have of paintings."
Nutsville: "What do you understand of paintings?"
Sounkuchetsu: "Absolutely Nothing!"
Prazarella: "Let’s meet our friend who organized this art gallery! Donjuang!"
Donjuang: "Alloh Friends! Aoow whas the paintings?"
Prazarella: "They were fantastic!"
Sounkuchetsu: "They were ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "They were meaningful."
Nutsville: "They were like..ahh…not paintings! Fonjuang, were they really paintings?"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! Yaha, they were the paintings! Why do you say they are not paintings!?"
Nutsville: "Ahh..No! I mean from whatever I understand of paintings, they were not! Nice to meet you Lonjuang!"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! What do you understand of paintings?"
Nutsville: "Nothing Ongjuang!!"
Prazarella: "We should leave!"

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 1. In a cell

Well, I had released this Shdag (A short-dialogue-based-story) in my internal corporate blogs quite some time back. I forgot to post it here. So, here it goes. It's going to be a series of absolute gibberish. Please bear with it!



Prazarella: "Why are you here?" (Looking at Sounkuchetsu with an inverted S-shaped right eye-brow)
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you here?" (Not looking at Prazarella, but responding immediately!)
Prazarella: "I asked you the question!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Even I asked you the question!"
Prazarella: "Okay, sorry I asked!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you sorry?"
Prazarella: "I had just asked you, Why are you here?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I did a wrong!"
Nuttsville: * interfering * "How do you know what is right and what is wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I don’t know what is right and what is wrong."
Nuttsville: "Then how can you label your deed as wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I cannot!"
Nuttsville: "But you did!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes, because I was wrong!"
Nuttsville: "But, you don’t know what is right and what is wrong?!"
Prazarella: * Cutting Nuttsville short * "Do you know?" (Looking at Nuttsville with an inverted S-shaped left eye-brow)
Nuttsville: "No, I don’t!"
Prazarella: "Why are you here, Nuttsville?"
Nuttsville: "I killed a goat. And I shouldn’t be here!"
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a goat."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t!"
Prazarella: "And what does that mean?"
Nuttsville: "I thought it was a goat! But, it wasn’t. It was a hen."
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a hen."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t! It was a human. I thought it was a hen."
Prazarella: "How can you mistake a human for a hen or a goat for that matter?"
Nuttsville: "No, I didn’t make a mistake. I killed a man! I wanted to kill a man!"
Prazarella: "Then why do you say that you shouldn’t be here?"
Nuttsville: "Because I thought it was a goat!"
Reneibeizer: * gets up from slumber * "Guys, will you keep your mouth shut and let me sleep. I have a war to fight! The Americans are attacking Vietnam and I have to save Vietnam.
I have to win them their country almost single-handedly. I want to earn money!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you fighting them? Are you getting paid?"
Reneibeizer: "No, why will they pay me, I am fighting against them."
Sounkuchetsu: "I meant, are the Vietnamese paying you?"
Reneibeizer: "No."
Sounkuchetsu: "Then how do you plan to earn money from battle?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t plan to earn money from battle. I want to battle and I want to earn money separately."

Prazarella: "I want to go to battle too."
Reneibeizer: "No, you cannot!"
Prazarella: "Why so?"
Reneibeizer: "Because you are behind bars. You did a wrong. What wrong did you do?"
Prazarella: "I stole brownies from a bakery of a Jew."
Reneibeizer: "Why will they put you behind bars for stealing cakes?"
Prazarella: "I’ve no idea. This is not right!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right and what is wrong to you?"
Sounkuchetsu, Prazarella and Reneibeizer: "Shut up Nuttsville!"
Reneibeizer: "Did you charge the owner?"
Prazarella: "No, he is no more!"
Reneibeizer: "What happened to him?"
Prazarella: "He was killed when I was stealing the brownies."
Reneibeizer: "Oh and you were caught! Sad old tale! It is okay, you can fight for it! Relax! Did you see the guy who killed the owner?"
Prazarella: "No. "
Reneibeizer: "But you were there right? How come you missed it?"
Prazarella: "Because I killed him!"
Reneibeizer: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right…
Reneibeizer: *cutting him short * "Nuttsville, don’t make me bite into your left ear!"

PS: This bizarre Episode/Series will continue! Sorry about it!

Land-Lords and Terrorists!!

A prelude: I, Tine-e-Quedetich and Harrangues are in the look out for a rented house to stay. Since, myself and Harrangues are busy in some other issues, this Tine-e-Quedetich go and handle issues with our new owner, settles a new agreement with his name on it. He clearly tells the owner that he’ll be staying only for a month or so and will be leaving for higher studies in France. (MS @Grenoble)
Later, I accompany Tine and go and meet the owner. All the agreement and caution deposit issues are settled and the latter paid. The owner leaves for a vacation to Europe that night itself and doesn’t let us know his arrival-to-India date.

Meanwhile: Tine-e-Quedetich had to leave for his home after complications with his company officials. He resigns and leaves for his hometown in West Bengal. He can’t inform the owner because he is not aware of Amsterdam’s best local pub’s contact number or the contact number of the best hotel in Berlin.

Present day: The owner calls me this weekend and asks me for the remaining balance of the caution deposit that we had promised him to pay a month later (and on which he had agreed upon). I respond in the affirmative and he has no problems with it. Now, comes the complicated part. He had called up Tine-e-Quedetich earlier and had come to know that he had left. So, basically he is psyched up. He enquires about my room-mate (we’ll soon come to the nitty-gritty details of this enquiry) and asks me to explain why we didn’t contact him in Europe by using GPS and finding out where he was and fax him based on his location. He asks me for an immediate visit. I leave office at 5 and reach his place at 6:30 or so.

Owner a.k.a Mojerfutharrs.

Mojerfutharrs: Hello, so tell me who is this new guy?
Me: He is not a new guy. You were already aware of him, just that he didn’t meet you in person.
Mojerfutharrs: So that makes him a new guy. How can you let a stranger in my house without my permission?
Me: I was working, I was busy, a short trip to Europe to let you know that Tine had left, was not possible or say, feasible.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, so who is this guy? What caste he belongs to? He believes in caste system, right?
Me: His forefathers were the ones who created the caste system in West Bengal. He is not only a believer, a follower but a preacher too. He broke his hand, put a cast around it, just to show his deep belief in the caste system.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, very impressive. He’s never been to prison, right?
Me: He got many offers from the best prisons in India. He rejected all such offers and showed his belief of the LAW, once and for all.
Mojerfutharrs: Good, impressive. He has never raped a girl, right? Or even a man?
Me: No, by god’s grace, No, never! He cried and fasted for four consecutive days once, when he heard that Shamaklal Tihari contemplated on raping a girl but did not do so. He is very sensitive about these issues. Please don’t ask such questions!
Mojerfutharrs: Oh, is it? Very good! Did he ever get abused by anybody?
Me: No, never! But, folklore has it, that his great-great-great-grandfather’s maternal uncle was abducted by a handicapped dumb, deaf and blind alien from Corsotica-546DDQT. The alien might have abused the guy but complete information is/was not available. Folklore has it that his grandson used to have some nightmares, but those died out. My friend never had any problems.
Mojerfutharrs: Good! Very good! Was this guy ever been involved in terrorist activities? Did he ever develop nuclear weapons?
Me: Oh No, never! On the contrary, he had been to Afghanistan to fight terrorism. He is always against terrorism and wanted to show his belief by fighting in the anti-terrorist war.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, So did he hurt himself in the war? How was the experience?
Me: Ohh, the experience was good. Just that he could not reach Afghanistan and in stead landed up in Tibet. He got chased by some monks. And thereby, he came back to India, but with newer resolve and deeper belief in terrorism and Buddhism.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh..uhmm..ok..Good! Does the guy smoke? Is he an alcoholic?
Me: He doesn’t come 100 meters close to any kind of smoke. He hates pollution. He understands Global Warming. He is fighting for that particular cause too. He abhors alcohol. He once wore a black band to office to protest against alcoholism. It is a different story that he lost the black band and broke the ATM machine, but that’s not the point.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, that is great.
Me: So, shall we make a new contract? You don’t have any problems with my friend right?
Mojerfutharrs: Hmm..let me think. Meet me tomorrow, I’ll take a decision.

Simply Death Magnetic

Ahh, twas a long wait, but worth it! I'll try my best to make this review a 'neutral' one, but it's going to be difficult, considering I have worshipped Metallica all my life.


DEATH MAGNETIC


The album starts with absolute "thrash" (Please note the double quotes). There is no time wasted in introduction to what Metallica is all about, or what they used to be in the 80's. You know that 'tallica are back with thrash and they mean business right from the word 'Go'. 'That was just your life' brings the thrash metal GOD, James Hetfield right into the center of the quintessential frontman role. The power of those roaring vocals have certainly gone down due to age but the effect on his fans remains the same, well, almost! The drums are pretty monotonous for this song, No hard feelings there Lars! Honestly, it's just for pure headbanging and a kick-a$$ addition to a rock concert. 3.25/5

You won't know when '...Just your life' ends and 'The End of the line' starts, the guitar riffs are almost the same, the rolicking baseline continues, there's no rest for Trujillo. He just goes ON and ON. Yes, he might not be THE replacement for Newstead, but he sure has his style, his unique way of playing the bass. Lars goes one tempo up for this song and you start enjoying the drums, but you still wait for the magic to happen, to get that 'feel'. I liked Lars's nice beat on the 'Cymbals' near the end of the song and the way James ends with a 'Low Man Lyricsish-to-Fuelish up-tempo at the end. 2.75/5

The album rolls onto the 'Broken, Beat & Scarred'. Nothing changes, we still have pure unadulterated thrash. Your head doesn't get any respite and it bangs. Oh, bangs it does, it fu$#&*g does! The story continues and it's still difficult to digest that we are into the third song. It's like the same chapter, the same river flowing down from the falls, rocky and fast, unstoppable, difficult to swim with it! 2.75/5

Wait, here enters Kirk Hammett, the student of Joe Satriani. The song 'The Day that never comes' actually introduces this album (It literally did so with the TV commercials in VH1) with its 'Ride the lightning' meets 'Garage Inc.' feel. I just love Hammett's intro to this song and the riffs he play around 5:40 mins mark of the song, as I keep on playing the same in loops. James is pretty impressive and reminds us of the 'Enter Sandman' days, well again, almost! :) Lars is at his best and Trujillo doesn't fall behind either! 4.50/5

Well, 'All Nightmare Long' starts with a 'Death Metal' feel but slowly shifts and catches it's dedicated genre. The beats are really really hard and it f$%#@&g wakes you up if you are not 'into' the album yet! The bass and drums synchronize really well as James's voice comes into the same frame to complement the bass-drums combo! Kirk enters in style and plays fast, really fast, f#$%@g fast, and challenges his 'Four Horsemen' gig of the past, reminding Megadeth frontman and metal legend Dave Mustaine, that he can f$%#ing do it too! *Period*
You 'tallica-heads, you wanted it hard all these days? Here, you get it! This will erase your 'Load/Reload/Garage' days shite from your memory permanently! \m/ \m/ 4.25/5

Trujillo introduces 'Cyanide' with his bass and James follow suit but the vocals really fall behind and no longer creates that 'Slap-on-your-face-Am I evil' hardcore effect. Kirk enters the frame with absolute 'madness' and rips your head with the cracking riffs! If you want to relax, I am sorry, this is not the album! Put it away, if you want peace! Coz you are not getting it! 3.75/5

But, wait, you actually get it with some piano-violin intro to the most awaited sequel to the 'Unforgiven'. It's the 'Unforgiven-III'. This is James's song! There is an incredible melody to this song! The amazing lyrics goes one step above it's prequels and it goes something like this..."How could he know this new dawn's light, Would change his life forever? Set sail to sea, but pulled off course, By the light of golden treasure, Was he the one causing pain, with his careless dreaming? Been afraid, always afraid, of the thing's he's feeling!" You just can't stop humming the lyrics. A brilliant song and catches up to you slowly but surely steadily. 4.25/5

'The Judas Kiss' is not a song you would want to listen to after 'Unforgiven III' because the latter takes your mood away from thrash. But NO, again it's brought back hard, f$%@ing hard! And the lyrics are dark, really dark! 'Surrender unto me, Submit infectuously, Sanctify your demons, Into Abyss, You don't exist, Cannot resist, The Judas Kiss, Judas Lives, Recite this vow. I've become your new GOD now' Well, You were always my GOD! 4/5

'Suicide and Redemption' is an instrumental and is like a practise gig in the middle of the night after five shots of Vodka and Kirk Hammett unleashed! Here lad, hold your guitar and give us metal, fu$@#ing metal! I just love the lead that starts at 3:53 mins and goes on and on in the song at different places with changing tempos! This song is 10 minutes of absolute thrash-bliss! It is easily one of the best in the album and will most certainly write Kirk's name as one of the greatest but most under-rated guitarists in rock history! 4.75/5

The album ends with 'My Apocalypse' and certainly aims to leave a lasting effect on its listeners! Lars, James, Trujillo and Kirk all come to full tempo and energized in this song! Everybody in their mist of ego wants to outdo each other, nobody wants to fall behind! The song goes on in a very high tempo and after 1 hour, 12 mins and 40 seconds of absolute mayhem with ten songs shuts the door on the face of the album. It's over! 3.75/5

To summarize this 4th thrash metal album of 'tallica after 'Justice, Kill'em all and RTL' (There were other albums too, is it?), I would say.."Justice has been done!" This album will go down in history, not as another Metallica album or not as another hard metal piece, but as a part of 'Thrash-metal education'. Fifty years from now, children will read about 'Death Magnetic' and learn what was thrash-metal, how it was played, how it came back and how eventually it got forgotten and became a part of metal-folklore! For all others, in this present world, don't wait, pick up the album, dust off your St-Anger memories and shove some hard metal up your a$$! Amen!

Overall: 4/5

True Love you want, blood you get!

The 'No Man's Land' stands there with a wide grin on its face. It sends an open enticement to both sets of armies standing on either side of it waiting to tear down each other. They are least bothered about ‘True Love’, ‘The Feeling of Separation’ and ‘Brotherhood’. They know how to battle! They know how to decimate each other from the face of this earth. The ‘No Man’s Land’ is an enigma in itself, filled with land-mines; it’s a mysterious and treacherous place for soldiers to fight. But fight they will! They don’t have a choice! They don’t want a choice! They have eliminated all possibilities of ‘choices’, of going back to their beloved, of going back to their beautiful life! No, they didn’t have a beautiful life, if they did, this war wouldn’t have taken place!

A 10 Million was killed in the First World War and we are not even talking civilians here. The battlefields of the Second World War laughed at the first, ‘Haha, We consumed 24 Million lives’. There was no stopping the Allied or the Axis. They were on a MISSION. Bodies covered with blood were thrown on every part of German battlefields carrying the message ‘Love’ is just another word in the English Dictionary, not to be taken seriously. A general cried out to another ‘The production of white flags should be stopped; we don’t want/need ‘em anymore’. And it continued. Humiliation in one face could only bring a satisfied smile on another. The Soviet Union and Nazi Germany celebrated the first and second rank respectively for the maximum number of casualties in the most ghastly executed act of mankind, the Second World War!

Every new life that came to this planet feared of the Ultimatum, death on a battlefield, for their country, for their pride.

Present Day! Why is there silence? What is the serenity all about? Let there be another war. Let there be bloodshed, lives taken, honors restored and justice given! So what if there are casualties? We bring new life to Earth. They will live! They’ll learn! They’ll love. And then, one day, they’ll fight! They’ll fight for power. Some of them will perish, some will reign supreme. Ahh, the smile on their face, the feeling of overpowering your enemy (read fellow human being!), nothing beats that! That’s the Ultimatum. Every round from a .50 caliber Browning M2 machine-gun will overcome a prayer from a soldier’s mother. Every empty slot in a magazine will equate to an unanswered prayer. Still, people will laugh and exult, as they are blinded on the ‘other side’. True Love of ‘Blood’ they say! They want it! Their heads will be held high!

They’ll never hear the ‘Other Side’.

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

~Dire Straits

Untamed Reasoning

You want to learn your destiny. You wake up in the middle of The Atacama near an oasis surrounded by Spanish speaking tribes. You don’t know the language. You try to connect. You fail miserably. You try to reach out for a scrumptious Pfannkuchen (A German pancake). You realize that it is a mirage in stead. An image deliberately composed in your sub-conscious to take you out of this nonreversible misery! But, as always you are late! Too late, in fact!

But then, there is always an ‘Other Side’ to desolation. A few English-speaking ‘white’ men respond to your flash-gun. (No, I understand, you didn’t fire one for help) They take you with them; provide you incredible generosity in everything! You relax! Then again, comes the confounding thoughts, these always come, even if you just want them to stay away and get lost in the most distant planet of the Milky Way. You stand up, show your gratitude and gently leave for the unknown. Do they question you? Ask for reasons? No, they don’t. They are least bothered about your helplessness.

You are again left all by yourself to exchange blows with your own wretchedness. You let your mind drift again, only this time you are a little less vigilant. You can see faded images of the banks of the great Rhine amidst the grandeur of the Roman Empire, the castles and vineyards. What a spectacle! Now, you feel, you belong there! The improbable happens! The castle guards catch hold of you, beat you up, and throw you into the woods! Into the wilderness, you are again! You don’t belong there. You are not one of them. You leave the world; leave its ‘show’ of humanity! You reach heaven, believing that there is a GOD, someone who can show you the ‘right’ way. You explore relentlessly, leaving no stone unturned. You realize that you were cheated; at least you make yourself believe so!

You come back to The Atacama, catch hold of a very simple poor man near the oasis. You make signs to him. He understands. He responds. You learn the language. You learn their life. You learn your life. You learn your destiny.