Deeply Depressed Dance of Death

Ok. Let me make this clear! This is going to be a very depressing blog! Not one of those, Hey, I am feeling really down man!! blogs, this is brutal, this is of massive depressing proportions!
This blog also calls all those who are deeply depressed in a deep depression of a depressed cloud of paranoiac Depressia! We need to join our hands (not one of those Siamese twins thingy!) and if possible our depressed heads, noses, ears and even the left part of our depressed kidney and come together to spread across the message of 'beautiful depression'! We need to be one for all and all for one, if that made any horse-shit-analogous-sense! Let's fly high the reddish black flag of profound depression and make lives of people around us highly depressing! We shall name our club/team/fool's-gathering as 'Deeply Depressed Dance of Death' or 4-D and if that name is not cool, then Hrithik Roshan is gay (He is gay anyways!)

Now, I have chalked down some action items, of how to get people around you depressed:

1. As soon as the Burj Tower @ Dubai gets completed (September 2009'), get on top of it, tie a iron bell to your neck weighing more than 100 pounds, make sure you jump with your legs on top and your depressing face facing downwards. You should crash down and turn into depressing red rubbles. This will make the millionaires in Dubai highly depressed and the Americans will nuke the Tower.

2. You need to make a trip to Africa, meet and befriend some Bantu speaking tribes, stay with them and become buddy-buddy! Then at exactly 11:00 p.m. at night, shout "Hora Hora, Bikunggi Tabahara, Pakri Pakri Demakush" and throw six coconuts at them and start running for your life. Make sure, you don't look back. These people will get so maddeningly frustrated at not being able to decipher a shit of what you shouted, that they'll follow you for exactly twenty two minutes, make your life miserable by shouting slangs at you of which you won't know a dog-shit! This will really make these tribes depressed and they'll call each other the N-word for the rest of their lives.

3. Catch hold of a smiling Japanese businessman, a smiling Chinese businessman and a highly depressed American businessman. Tie all of them together to smelly poles painted with Koala Beer's piss! Now, stick an empty bottle of Kingfisher Beer into the mouth of the American and let the Chinese and Japanese abuse each other. Trust me, the American will be so mighty depressed that he might choke to death out of Neocohntraic-ChingungEff'emall-Dirtyeffers-depressed syndrome!

4. Finally, you need to give a LSD dosage to your neighbor's dog. Make sure the dosage is more than 500 micrograms and thereby causing major psychotropic effect on the canine. The dog should go into perennial depression and eat only monkey brains for the rest of it's life. Make sure it never stops crying and bites its master thrice every day as it stays uber-high all the time!

P.S: There won't be any customary N.O.M here. All offense meant!

Per fake shun!

Perfection! Oh, how we run after it! Like a poor, innocent kid running after his broken kite in a breezy evening, as the kite flies away far out of the kid's reach-n-sight!
Painting the perfect picture where you can successfully capture all possible human emotions! Somewhere, most of the times, we miss the trick, we miss that Da Vinci touch! ..just.. *sigh*
Giving that perfect pass, piercing the defenders, in a football match! Zizou had a blemish remember, that head and that butt! err, I mean head-butt! :-D So, he ain't GOD! *sigh*
Fretting with a perfection, making sure you don't leave any chord as you try to play your favorite Pink Floyd number! See, Gilmour was born to enchant us with his amazing voice, on-stage el casuale histrionics with his six strings! We won't be that flawless, after all! :) *sigh*
Finding your perfect love, the dream girl or the dream guy! Ahh, there we go! The day-dreams, ohh, the night dreams too! Wake up friends, it doesn't work that way! :) *big sigh*
Having a perfect day! Well, many would argue, come on dude, I had a perfect day many times! But, wait, isn't that relative? Think again! :D *compressed sigh*
Cooking the perfect food! The most delicious one! No offence to Moms, even that is kinda 'not possible'. Ok, am being a bit cynical now! *no sigh*
Delivering that perfect speech? The crowd erupts and chants your name repeatedly! An encore! Naah, doesn't happen! Get up, pick your sandals, rub your face off because the tomatoes and potatoes don't really give you a sexy look, you see! :-P *sigh*
A perfect relationship! Gimme a break, or maybe two breaks! Superman and superwoman anybody? Ahh, what do we call those tales where fairies are involved? ohh, stupid me, FairyTales! :-D *big sigh*
A perfect blog? I will wait for that day, when I get the comment, 'Dude, this was a perfect blog'. Not really, I won't wait for that day! ..the day that never comes.. *sigh*

Live life man! Get satisfied man!
Leave the 'Kingsize' bit to SRK and his over-the-top movies! :)

A better tomorrow.

Isn't it a strange feeling to stand in the middle of a desert and hear distant voices calling you? Voices which are recognizable, voices which you want to reach for, voices which mean something to you! I don't have the mot juste for it, but it surely is a very strange feeling, unable to reach the voice. It haunts you beyond your imagination. It gives you a cramp in your stomach and paralyzes you to an unfathomable degree. It makes you cry. Tears that flow, that freezes and then flows again finding a new reason every time to cut loose from your eyes!

But then... A hope! A promise! Of what? That you can reach the stars if you jump high enough! That you need to eat the red-apple-of-infinite-wisdom to become immortal! That you can reach that beautiful place at the end of this world which is devoid of worries, pain, hatred, unjust, envy, misunderstandings, by just closing your eyes and thinking of Angels in blue and white attire! That you can live your entire life in Cockaigne, free from disharmony!
False! These are false hopes, without even being very practical.

A sudden realization dawns on you that you can't reach the voice, you press your ears hard with your trembling hands and try to throw away the clamorous surroundings from your wretched state-of-mind. You show a renascent attitude, shining with a new belief. You stop running and smile at the foolish thought of swimming in 'uncertain' -blue-mirage-oceans- ! The realization is not a manna-from-heaven for you. It is not a life-support-system provided to you during your ill-health. The realization is just your chance to live your life more purposefully, it is but a divine afflatus to carry you into the new sunlight of a much better tomorrow. The quicker you make it, the faster you reach utopia, err...no...lead a beautiful and most importantly a normal life! Come on, life is never perfect for anybody! :)

A note on the foot: This Blog is dedicated to somebody!

Failing Rhyme.

Wasted Chairs.
Fading Orange cherries.
A dead mind.
Haunted Blackberries.

A step closer to hope.
A step away from loss.
A black and white vision.
Away from all the gloss.

A little hint, a falling leaf.
A shelter. A failing rhyme.
Tired dogs of war.
Somewhere, lost in time.

A long note. A deserting smile.
Below the Canopy. A liar.
A baffled existence
A candle. A burning desire.

A scotch. A drunk throat.
Shaky. Changed by a whip.
An outcry. A lost battle.
Outright Failure. Losing a grip.

The son rises.
Surging ahead.
Some kind of glory.
It’s all in de head.

What is left behind?
Another heart-beat, another time.
The new is heavenly, as it seems.
An attractive shelter, yet a failing rhyme.

..chasing rabbits...

You walk on the road, look around and feel a metaphorical twinge of weirdness. You want to take out the sword and wield it against the monsters and monster-in-laws, but you realize that this is no fantasy and you are right in the middle of bright-sunshine-kicking-you-in-the-back-side reality! You keep away your sword that you never had. You walk a little further, cross the allegorical bridge of human affability and find yourself right in the middle of the malevolent rat-race. If you are a smart-ass, you’ll smile and return back every shot fired at you, with an incredible ease. If you are not, Satan will take over all your responsibilities. HE will pick you up by your collar; hang you in the air placing a river below, crammed with blood-thirsty crocodiles and asking you to give an honest attempt at flying, slowly and wickedly leaving your collar. Since you weren’t a smart-ass, you fall down into the river. The crocodiles don’t eat you; they smile and return back to holier waters waiting for a braver and a worthier prey. You feel like a smart-ass indeed and yell out words of bravery and wisdom. A minute later you realize that you can’t swim and thereby drown into the metaphorical depth of competitive pressure. You were not a smart-ass actually.

A friend (involuntarily named ‘A Slap’) of yours accompanies you in your times of great difficulty. ‘A Slap’ is polite to you, respecting every decision of yours, applauding every move of yours, and criticizing every incorrect step you take. But, there is a blemish in this friend of yours, you realize! It is like a robot, it doesn’t have emotions; it doesn’t guide you the way you want it to! But, honestly, you don’t know ‘that’ way either. You shout at it, clearly voicing out your viewpoint towards it. A Slap revolts, throws you into the midst of a metaphorical oven of excruciating pain and suffering. You try to get up and get away from it; you can’t find your way out! You are weak. This is closely observed and enjoyed by ‘A Slap’ as it leaves you to die in your wretchedness.

What? Lost? Bemused? Goaded?
Looking for a key? Why do you think I’ll make life so easy for you?

Please leave me alone…..

Ohh..

….And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Recall Alice
When she was just small

When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know!


Any Joy?

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 3. Battle Front.

Prazarella: We either make or break in this war?
Sounkuchetsu: What do you want me to make? I can break, yeah, that’s not a problem!
Nuttsville: Is that a Godzilla? Aren’t Godzillas extinct or something? Ok, no, maybe, Water Lily’s are extinct! Or maybe both?
Reneibeizer: I think we should divide ourselves into groups of two and take our positions.
Prazarella: Yes, Sounkuchetsu, follow my lead; we’ll place ourselves over those rocky hills on the Northern Frontier.
Reneibeizer: Yes, that is neat. I’ll accompany Nuttsville and place ourselves on the Southern Slopes.
Sounkuchetsu: Yes, that sounds neat to me too. We’ll break stuffs from there and you guys break some stuffs from here. Or we can change positions too! Or whatever!
Nuttsville: I maybe hallucinating but are you guys really ignorant about the Godzilla? Or maybe I am not hallucinating at all, and you guys are complete idiots.


Prazarella: Nuttsville, we are supposed to hide and fire at anything we see that is moving. That's what the boss has ordered! Do you get me?
Nuttsville: That is fine. But, do you really want me to harm an innocent Godzilla? Even when it is moving? I don’t mind it! No, I mind it!
Prazarella: Oh god! There is no Godzilla! Or Lizards, or even tigers for that matter! We have received orders to kill moving objects and so we shall be doing the same.
Nuttsville: This smell of fresh air is so intoxicating. Can we go to a pub and have beer and tomato sauce or even hamburgers with extra cheese will do? What do you say?
Prazarella: No! No! We are in the middle of a freaking desert, don’t you understand, you moron! Ok, watch, something is moving!
Nuttsville: Where? That’s a leaf! Let me take aim!
Prazarella: Yes, shoot! Shoot hard! Cut it into pieces! You wanna make war, you bas@#$%s! I am gonna break war!


Reneibeizer: Dude, nothings moving! What do we do? I am getting bored. Do we return back when something moves? But, then we’ll miss it when something actually moves! So, we stay!
Sounkuchetsu: You think this weapon is good enough to kill the millions and millions of Persians that’ll attack us? I mean, what if we get exhausted of bullets? Will the Persians take us as slaves? I don’t mind that! But, I want good food and free surfing and downloading!
Reneibeizer: No Persians are attacking us. And moreover, we are not attacking any Persians! Wait, why do you say so? I mean, why did ..no…how did you get that intuition that we might get attacked by Persians?
Sounkuchetsu: I didn’t get no intuition. I know it! They’ll attack! It’s written in my destiny! To get slaved by Persians and eat Mutton by a swimming pool! Isn’t it marvelous?
Reneibeizer: Dude, that is serious! We don’t have time, we need to inform our boss and even let those two idiots on the Northern frontier know about this impending Persian attack. We need to find out ways to counter Elephants! Damn it! We are timing short of run!

Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking from Northern Frontier? What’s the news from your end? Over and out!
Reneibeizer: This is Reneibeizer speaking, and wait a second, you are no captain! And yes, we are under attack by Persians! Get as many elephant warriors as is possible. We’ll try to stop them by throwing stones or maybe rocks! Over and out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! We don’t have no elephants here. Not even ants! We are on a desert for the sake of Buba Bin Bladen! How are we supposed to get those wild animals from Africa?? And are you sure about the Persian attack? What are the odds that you guys can stop them without us getting elephants, not that we can get them anyways!? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captain, god dammit! We have already reported boss! He gave his orders pretty clear and straight-forward. We really don’t have time! We need to act fast and clever! Over and Out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! What does boss say? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captian, you Muscatian mongoose!!! The boss says…”Kill anything that moves” Over and Out!

...The Bosco Kids...

Ahh…twas a really nice experience!
I am referring to my visit to an NGO in Bangalore. It was a first of a kind for me. I was actually accompanying a friend of mine, but nonetheless, twas quite incredible!
We were picked up from a common place along with other volunteers for the event and taken to the NGO (somewhere near Old Madras Road). A Father Dcosta (okay, I forgot his name again, my friend’s gonna kill me for this!) takes care of the NGO, bringing up homeless kids in a fantastic fashion, leaving no stones unturned to make their life a fruitful one to live. If I say ‘These were a bunch of talented kids’, my friends, it would be a gross understatement! Some of them acted really well, some danced with panache, some played around, in short, they were a cluster of enthusiastic and highly talented kids. It was good to see many volunteers around, some of whom even performed in the small function arranged for the occasion of Deepawali. There were volunteers from MBA colleges, there were a few Media Persons, a few on their ‘internship-program’ and others were trustees/helpers. Ohhh, yeah, these kids even cooked food for us, which honestly was pretty decent. After lighting ‘Diyas’ and leaving them to enjoy further on ‘their’ festive occasion, we left the place with a mix of a touched and an amazed feeling.

I hope I can return back to the place, and teach these kids some football! Oops, I said it! Shit! :)

Apart from that, I am having a restless time in my life and I won’t say “Dunno Why?!?”, because I know why! :-(
I hope I can come out of this “certain period” as soon as possible.
I want to hold a pigeon in my hand; can somebody show me the door to ‘Certainty’ so that I can rest in peace, dead or alive?

That was just your life!

It's good to be back and I'm back to be good. Confused by the second part of that statement. Well, I'll clear all confusion in some time.


I've decided that, from now onwards, I'll be good! Too much of a generalized statement hunh?. Okay, I'll make things even more clearer. I'll change certain things about me which were bad, rather terribly bad. No, no, you are wrong, if you think that the guy will stop talking crap, the guy will stop preaching 'shiteducation' of irrelevant and inappropriate gibberish (Gibberish can be relevant too, is it? :-S Whatever!), then you need to rethink!
I'll stop calling people by names. No, I don't mean that I'll whistle and call people or show eye/hand movements to call people. I meant names like Dogs, Donkeys, Idiots, Morons, Monkeys and Mamata. I'll rather call them 'Faithful dogs', 'Helpful donkeys', 'Important Idiots', 'Meaningful Morons', 'Clever Monkeys' and err..'Mamata'! I'll stop talking of music and not boast of the fact that I've a sound understanding and 'knowledge' (oooh! Strong word! ) of music. Rather, I'll talk of Siberian Mongooses and their ancestors. In fact, I have a trivia right away. A 1000 years before Lord Jesus Christ was born, there existed Siberian Mongooses, but this trivia was never proved or even talked about anywhere to this date! Unbelievable? Well, don't believe it.
I'll stop talking about football and not boast of the fact that I play and have a very decent understanding of the game. No, I won't. I'll rather talk about 'Liposuction' and its advantages and disadvantages in Modern Times. Since, I don't have any knowledge on this particular subject, my talking/blabbering/preaching can be very disturbing and harmful for human beings, but then there is a good part about it and that is, I won't be talking about football, right? :-D

Apart from this, I won't be talking in 'satires' or 'irony' or 'metaphors'. I'll call a Spade a Spade. I mean, come on, if you call it Clubs or Diamonds, it would be cheating in a Card Game right? No, I won't cheat.
Similarly, if Zoliacorzen Morzee dies, I'll say, he died. I won't say 'Zolia kicked a bucket', because that'll be lying right? What about his family? His dogs? His cats? His car-drivers? Why do I give them renewed hope making them believe that the guy actually kicked a bucket and just hurt his toe, because that is not the truth?! The 'fact' is Zoliacorzen Marzee died, and nobody should change it.

So, that is that! I hope I can follow the rules I've set for myself. It'll be better if the rules follow me, because I am lazy.

Adios! Oops! :)

...Wasted it all.. A self-composed song

The audio recording of this song will be posted when the recording is done! :)
For the time being, please check out the lyrics and the chords. The strumming is pretty simple. It is something like this. DOWN-DOWN UP-UP DOWN-UP-DOWN-UP.

C D
I was afraid, I threw away the six strings!
C D
They never understood the G lik'a G would be!
C D
I sat beside a lake staring towards the 'livion.
C D
Not waiting for my signal, they rushed to me.

[ It's the same chords throughout! ]
My irritation was ignored, the flag was flown.
an ol' book was brought to me, I was asked to write.
They tied my hands, the red drops were bliss!
But I still had it in me, I put up a fight!

The guillotine was brought, he waved his hands.
The merchant rode by, showed me no compassion.
I cried my hearts out, wanted my last chance.
The princess watched cold, from her old mansion

I lied there unmoved, like a dead man ought to be
Another chapter was closed, mocked the city lad.
The eagle stooped low, t'was mighty concerned.
walked away everybody, leavin' the 'reaved n' the bad!

A
Why was I chosen to live
G
.... this life?
A
The stars were a better place
G
... to live.
A
Or is it that they gave me
G
... a chance
A
And I lost it and wasted
G
... it all...
Dm
.....wasted it all... (x4 times and voice fades away!)

PS: This is an initial stage for the song, there's certainly going to be changes in chords, lyrics and many such post-processing before I come up with the finished product. :)

Qutb-ud-din-Aibak

A long, long time ago, in the times of Emperor Qutb-ud-din Aibak, everything was so easy. The emperor lived a tension-free life. He enjoyed his drive down the country-side (I mean, Old Delhi) in his dark red Lamborghini Gallardo. He was a gadget-freak! He had a MS XBOX 360, an i-Phone 3G, an i-Pod Classic, a Sony Cybershot DSC W130 and a time-machine. He was satisfied with what he had. He didn't want more. He practiced 'Slavery' and strongly believed that it was uber-cool, it helped people to become efficient and disciplined. On that point, one Oskar Schindler would have High-Five'd him in some imaginary Historical Time-to-time Continuum.
Qutb had a problem in life. He had a friend who gave him suggestions, regarding most of the decisions he took. Well, the suggestions weren't a problem. The problem was the guy. This guy was called Fillin-deih-eehars Mohammad! FDE Moddy gave suggestions even when he was not asked to! He gave suggestions even when there were no problems discussed with him. He gave suggestions even when he could not give suggestions. He was a give-suggestions-addict! How does one get rid of such people? Qutb had no other options. One night, he sneaked into FDE Moddy's room and stabbed him thirteen times with a fairly long vegetable knife. FDE Moddy died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Iron Maiden's 'Afraid to shoot strangers'. The lines were...
"But how can we let them go on this way?
The reign of terror corruption must end
And we know deep down there's no other way
No trust, no reasoning, no more to say
Afraid to shoot strangers"

Qutb was perplexed about these lines because he listened to Shania Twain and Snoop Dogg all his life. Iron Maiden was not his cup of tea.
Days after the murder, another guy came to meet Qutb, he was called Pleahh-Leehen-tuhh-meah Gurk! This guy wanted to help Qutb. PLT Gukky helped Qutb when he was asked to. He helped Qutb when he wasn't asked to. He helped Qutb when he couldn't help Qutb. Qutb became irritated with this guy. One night, he sneaked into PLT Gukky's room and fired him six shots from his Mark 1 0.50 Desert Eagle semi-automatic pistol. PLT GUkky died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Metallica's newly released 'Unforgiven-III'. The lines were...
"How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?"

Qutb started realizing and understanding a few common things between the two murders. One day, when Qutb was watching 'The Dark Knight' in his Samsung DVD-player, a guy named Kahein-kahein-seeaye-Jaatein Burbak came and challenged Qutb to an one-on-one battle. Qutb was a bored man, he accepted the challenge. He fought very bravely, lost an eye, but won the battle. He killed the man! KKSJ Burby died, but before dying he sang aloud a few lines from Floyd's immortal classic, which were...

"Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life"

From that day to the day Qutb died, his iPod classic was always filled with Rock Music. He understood it! He felt it! He loved it! He worshipped it!
After his death, his grave read...
"There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And shes buying a stairway to heaven.

PS: The 'Historical facts' mentioned in this blog are utter rubbish. If you believed them, then you are stupid, not me!

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 2. In an art gallery

Well, here goes part-2 of the crazy series!
Things will get more and more serious from now on!

Prazarella: "What is this?"
Nutsville: "This is art!"
Prazarella: "I know that! I was wondering what the person actually drew. I can’t figure out."
Nutsville: "If you can’t figure out, how do you know it is art?"
Prazarella: "I just asked because people were admiring it."
Nutsville: "People admire it, doesn’t mean you’ll need to admire it too! People admire killing of pigs. Do you admire it!"
Prazarella: "No!"
Nutsville: "See!"
Prazarella: "No, I mean NO, people don’t admire killing of pigs."
Nutsville: "Some do! But that’s not the point. It’s about art. Admiring it or not admiring it!"
Prazarella: "Do you know what art is?"
Nutsville: "No!"

Reneibeizer: "Look at the brush stroke! It is beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes. No. It is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "What makes you think it is not beautiful?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I never said it is not! I just said, it is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "Look at the dark purple shade behind the trees in the midst of a sunset! Beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, it is ugly! The shade shouldn’t have been there and it should have been a sunrise."
Reneibeizer: "You are supposed to just admire or not admire the painting! You are not supposed to pass a judgment."
Sounkuchetsu: "Where are the other two?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t have the slightest of ideas."
Sounkuchetsu: "There they are!"

Prazarella: "Guys, these are some amazing paintings. Aren’t they beautiful?"
Reneibeizer: "From whatever I understand of painting, these are beautiful."
Prazarella: "What do you understand of painting?"
Reneibeizer: "Nothing!"
Nutsville: "I find this a very stupid place. I think we should leave."
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, the paintings are ugly. I say this from whatever understanding I have of paintings."
Nutsville: "What do you understand of paintings?"
Sounkuchetsu: "Absolutely Nothing!"
Prazarella: "Let’s meet our friend who organized this art gallery! Donjuang!"
Donjuang: "Alloh Friends! Aoow whas the paintings?"
Prazarella: "They were fantastic!"
Sounkuchetsu: "They were ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "They were meaningful."
Nutsville: "They were like..ahh…not paintings! Fonjuang, were they really paintings?"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! Yaha, they were the paintings! Why do you say they are not paintings!?"
Nutsville: "Ahh..No! I mean from whatever I understand of paintings, they were not! Nice to meet you Lonjuang!"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! What do you understand of paintings?"
Nutsville: "Nothing Ongjuang!!"
Prazarella: "We should leave!"

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 1. In a cell

Well, I had released this Shdag (A short-dialogue-based-story) in my internal corporate blogs quite some time back. I forgot to post it here. So, here it goes. It's going to be a series of absolute gibberish. Please bear with it!



Prazarella: "Why are you here?" (Looking at Sounkuchetsu with an inverted S-shaped right eye-brow)
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you here?" (Not looking at Prazarella, but responding immediately!)
Prazarella: "I asked you the question!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Even I asked you the question!"
Prazarella: "Okay, sorry I asked!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you sorry?"
Prazarella: "I had just asked you, Why are you here?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I did a wrong!"
Nuttsville: * interfering * "How do you know what is right and what is wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I don’t know what is right and what is wrong."
Nuttsville: "Then how can you label your deed as wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I cannot!"
Nuttsville: "But you did!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes, because I was wrong!"
Nuttsville: "But, you don’t know what is right and what is wrong?!"
Prazarella: * Cutting Nuttsville short * "Do you know?" (Looking at Nuttsville with an inverted S-shaped left eye-brow)
Nuttsville: "No, I don’t!"
Prazarella: "Why are you here, Nuttsville?"
Nuttsville: "I killed a goat. And I shouldn’t be here!"
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a goat."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t!"
Prazarella: "And what does that mean?"
Nuttsville: "I thought it was a goat! But, it wasn’t. It was a hen."
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a hen."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t! It was a human. I thought it was a hen."
Prazarella: "How can you mistake a human for a hen or a goat for that matter?"
Nuttsville: "No, I didn’t make a mistake. I killed a man! I wanted to kill a man!"
Prazarella: "Then why do you say that you shouldn’t be here?"
Nuttsville: "Because I thought it was a goat!"
Reneibeizer: * gets up from slumber * "Guys, will you keep your mouth shut and let me sleep. I have a war to fight! The Americans are attacking Vietnam and I have to save Vietnam.
I have to win them their country almost single-handedly. I want to earn money!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you fighting them? Are you getting paid?"
Reneibeizer: "No, why will they pay me, I am fighting against them."
Sounkuchetsu: "I meant, are the Vietnamese paying you?"
Reneibeizer: "No."
Sounkuchetsu: "Then how do you plan to earn money from battle?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t plan to earn money from battle. I want to battle and I want to earn money separately."

Prazarella: "I want to go to battle too."
Reneibeizer: "No, you cannot!"
Prazarella: "Why so?"
Reneibeizer: "Because you are behind bars. You did a wrong. What wrong did you do?"
Prazarella: "I stole brownies from a bakery of a Jew."
Reneibeizer: "Why will they put you behind bars for stealing cakes?"
Prazarella: "I’ve no idea. This is not right!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right and what is wrong to you?"
Sounkuchetsu, Prazarella and Reneibeizer: "Shut up Nuttsville!"
Reneibeizer: "Did you charge the owner?"
Prazarella: "No, he is no more!"
Reneibeizer: "What happened to him?"
Prazarella: "He was killed when I was stealing the brownies."
Reneibeizer: "Oh and you were caught! Sad old tale! It is okay, you can fight for it! Relax! Did you see the guy who killed the owner?"
Prazarella: "No. "
Reneibeizer: "But you were there right? How come you missed it?"
Prazarella: "Because I killed him!"
Reneibeizer: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right…
Reneibeizer: *cutting him short * "Nuttsville, don’t make me bite into your left ear!"

PS: This bizarre Episode/Series will continue! Sorry about it!

Land-Lords and Terrorists!!

A prelude: I, Tine-e-Quedetich and Harrangues are in the look out for a rented house to stay. Since, myself and Harrangues are busy in some other issues, this Tine-e-Quedetich go and handle issues with our new owner, settles a new agreement with his name on it. He clearly tells the owner that he’ll be staying only for a month or so and will be leaving for higher studies in France. (MS @Grenoble)
Later, I accompany Tine and go and meet the owner. All the agreement and caution deposit issues are settled and the latter paid. The owner leaves for a vacation to Europe that night itself and doesn’t let us know his arrival-to-India date.

Meanwhile: Tine-e-Quedetich had to leave for his home after complications with his company officials. He resigns and leaves for his hometown in West Bengal. He can’t inform the owner because he is not aware of Amsterdam’s best local pub’s contact number or the contact number of the best hotel in Berlin.

Present day: The owner calls me this weekend and asks me for the remaining balance of the caution deposit that we had promised him to pay a month later (and on which he had agreed upon). I respond in the affirmative and he has no problems with it. Now, comes the complicated part. He had called up Tine-e-Quedetich earlier and had come to know that he had left. So, basically he is psyched up. He enquires about my room-mate (we’ll soon come to the nitty-gritty details of this enquiry) and asks me to explain why we didn’t contact him in Europe by using GPS and finding out where he was and fax him based on his location. He asks me for an immediate visit. I leave office at 5 and reach his place at 6:30 or so.

Owner a.k.a Mojerfutharrs.

Mojerfutharrs: Hello, so tell me who is this new guy?
Me: He is not a new guy. You were already aware of him, just that he didn’t meet you in person.
Mojerfutharrs: So that makes him a new guy. How can you let a stranger in my house without my permission?
Me: I was working, I was busy, a short trip to Europe to let you know that Tine had left, was not possible or say, feasible.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, so who is this guy? What caste he belongs to? He believes in caste system, right?
Me: His forefathers were the ones who created the caste system in West Bengal. He is not only a believer, a follower but a preacher too. He broke his hand, put a cast around it, just to show his deep belief in the caste system.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, very impressive. He’s never been to prison, right?
Me: He got many offers from the best prisons in India. He rejected all such offers and showed his belief of the LAW, once and for all.
Mojerfutharrs: Good, impressive. He has never raped a girl, right? Or even a man?
Me: No, by god’s grace, No, never! He cried and fasted for four consecutive days once, when he heard that Shamaklal Tihari contemplated on raping a girl but did not do so. He is very sensitive about these issues. Please don’t ask such questions!
Mojerfutharrs: Oh, is it? Very good! Did he ever get abused by anybody?
Me: No, never! But, folklore has it, that his great-great-great-grandfather’s maternal uncle was abducted by a handicapped dumb, deaf and blind alien from Corsotica-546DDQT. The alien might have abused the guy but complete information is/was not available. Folklore has it that his grandson used to have some nightmares, but those died out. My friend never had any problems.
Mojerfutharrs: Good! Very good! Was this guy ever been involved in terrorist activities? Did he ever develop nuclear weapons?
Me: Oh No, never! On the contrary, he had been to Afghanistan to fight terrorism. He is always against terrorism and wanted to show his belief by fighting in the anti-terrorist war.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, So did he hurt himself in the war? How was the experience?
Me: Ohh, the experience was good. Just that he could not reach Afghanistan and in stead landed up in Tibet. He got chased by some monks. And thereby, he came back to India, but with newer resolve and deeper belief in terrorism and Buddhism.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh..uhmm..ok..Good! Does the guy smoke? Is he an alcoholic?
Me: He doesn’t come 100 meters close to any kind of smoke. He hates pollution. He understands Global Warming. He is fighting for that particular cause too. He abhors alcohol. He once wore a black band to office to protest against alcoholism. It is a different story that he lost the black band and broke the ATM machine, but that’s not the point.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, that is great.
Me: So, shall we make a new contract? You don’t have any problems with my friend right?
Mojerfutharrs: Hmm..let me think. Meet me tomorrow, I’ll take a decision.

Simply Death Magnetic

Ahh, twas a long wait, but worth it! I'll try my best to make this review a 'neutral' one, but it's going to be difficult, considering I have worshipped Metallica all my life.


DEATH MAGNETIC


The album starts with absolute "thrash" (Please note the double quotes). There is no time wasted in introduction to what Metallica is all about, or what they used to be in the 80's. You know that 'tallica are back with thrash and they mean business right from the word 'Go'. 'That was just your life' brings the thrash metal GOD, James Hetfield right into the center of the quintessential frontman role. The power of those roaring vocals have certainly gone down due to age but the effect on his fans remains the same, well, almost! The drums are pretty monotonous for this song, No hard feelings there Lars! Honestly, it's just for pure headbanging and a kick-a$$ addition to a rock concert. 3.25/5

You won't know when '...Just your life' ends and 'The End of the line' starts, the guitar riffs are almost the same, the rolicking baseline continues, there's no rest for Trujillo. He just goes ON and ON. Yes, he might not be THE replacement for Newstead, but he sure has his style, his unique way of playing the bass. Lars goes one tempo up for this song and you start enjoying the drums, but you still wait for the magic to happen, to get that 'feel'. I liked Lars's nice beat on the 'Cymbals' near the end of the song and the way James ends with a 'Low Man Lyricsish-to-Fuelish up-tempo at the end. 2.75/5

The album rolls onto the 'Broken, Beat & Scarred'. Nothing changes, we still have pure unadulterated thrash. Your head doesn't get any respite and it bangs. Oh, bangs it does, it fu$#&*g does! The story continues and it's still difficult to digest that we are into the third song. It's like the same chapter, the same river flowing down from the falls, rocky and fast, unstoppable, difficult to swim with it! 2.75/5

Wait, here enters Kirk Hammett, the student of Joe Satriani. The song 'The Day that never comes' actually introduces this album (It literally did so with the TV commercials in VH1) with its 'Ride the lightning' meets 'Garage Inc.' feel. I just love Hammett's intro to this song and the riffs he play around 5:40 mins mark of the song, as I keep on playing the same in loops. James is pretty impressive and reminds us of the 'Enter Sandman' days, well again, almost! :) Lars is at his best and Trujillo doesn't fall behind either! 4.50/5

Well, 'All Nightmare Long' starts with a 'Death Metal' feel but slowly shifts and catches it's dedicated genre. The beats are really really hard and it f$%#@&g wakes you up if you are not 'into' the album yet! The bass and drums synchronize really well as James's voice comes into the same frame to complement the bass-drums combo! Kirk enters in style and plays fast, really fast, f#$%@g fast, and challenges his 'Four Horsemen' gig of the past, reminding Megadeth frontman and metal legend Dave Mustaine, that he can f$%#ing do it too! *Period*
You 'tallica-heads, you wanted it hard all these days? Here, you get it! This will erase your 'Load/Reload/Garage' days shite from your memory permanently! \m/ \m/ 4.25/5

Trujillo introduces 'Cyanide' with his bass and James follow suit but the vocals really fall behind and no longer creates that 'Slap-on-your-face-Am I evil' hardcore effect. Kirk enters the frame with absolute 'madness' and rips your head with the cracking riffs! If you want to relax, I am sorry, this is not the album! Put it away, if you want peace! Coz you are not getting it! 3.75/5

But, wait, you actually get it with some piano-violin intro to the most awaited sequel to the 'Unforgiven'. It's the 'Unforgiven-III'. This is James's song! There is an incredible melody to this song! The amazing lyrics goes one step above it's prequels and it goes something like this..."How could he know this new dawn's light, Would change his life forever? Set sail to sea, but pulled off course, By the light of golden treasure, Was he the one causing pain, with his careless dreaming? Been afraid, always afraid, of the thing's he's feeling!" You just can't stop humming the lyrics. A brilliant song and catches up to you slowly but surely steadily. 4.25/5

'The Judas Kiss' is not a song you would want to listen to after 'Unforgiven III' because the latter takes your mood away from thrash. But NO, again it's brought back hard, f$%@ing hard! And the lyrics are dark, really dark! 'Surrender unto me, Submit infectuously, Sanctify your demons, Into Abyss, You don't exist, Cannot resist, The Judas Kiss, Judas Lives, Recite this vow. I've become your new GOD now' Well, You were always my GOD! 4/5

'Suicide and Redemption' is an instrumental and is like a practise gig in the middle of the night after five shots of Vodka and Kirk Hammett unleashed! Here lad, hold your guitar and give us metal, fu$@#ing metal! I just love the lead that starts at 3:53 mins and goes on and on in the song at different places with changing tempos! This song is 10 minutes of absolute thrash-bliss! It is easily one of the best in the album and will most certainly write Kirk's name as one of the greatest but most under-rated guitarists in rock history! 4.75/5

The album ends with 'My Apocalypse' and certainly aims to leave a lasting effect on its listeners! Lars, James, Trujillo and Kirk all come to full tempo and energized in this song! Everybody in their mist of ego wants to outdo each other, nobody wants to fall behind! The song goes on in a very high tempo and after 1 hour, 12 mins and 40 seconds of absolute mayhem with ten songs shuts the door on the face of the album. It's over! 3.75/5

To summarize this 4th thrash metal album of 'tallica after 'Justice, Kill'em all and RTL' (There were other albums too, is it?), I would say.."Justice has been done!" This album will go down in history, not as another Metallica album or not as another hard metal piece, but as a part of 'Thrash-metal education'. Fifty years from now, children will read about 'Death Magnetic' and learn what was thrash-metal, how it was played, how it came back and how eventually it got forgotten and became a part of metal-folklore! For all others, in this present world, don't wait, pick up the album, dust off your St-Anger memories and shove some hard metal up your a$$! Amen!

Overall: 4/5

True Love you want, blood you get!

The 'No Man's Land' stands there with a wide grin on its face. It sends an open enticement to both sets of armies standing on either side of it waiting to tear down each other. They are least bothered about ‘True Love’, ‘The Feeling of Separation’ and ‘Brotherhood’. They know how to battle! They know how to decimate each other from the face of this earth. The ‘No Man’s Land’ is an enigma in itself, filled with land-mines; it’s a mysterious and treacherous place for soldiers to fight. But fight they will! They don’t have a choice! They don’t want a choice! They have eliminated all possibilities of ‘choices’, of going back to their beloved, of going back to their beautiful life! No, they didn’t have a beautiful life, if they did, this war wouldn’t have taken place!

A 10 Million was killed in the First World War and we are not even talking civilians here. The battlefields of the Second World War laughed at the first, ‘Haha, We consumed 24 Million lives’. There was no stopping the Allied or the Axis. They were on a MISSION. Bodies covered with blood were thrown on every part of German battlefields carrying the message ‘Love’ is just another word in the English Dictionary, not to be taken seriously. A general cried out to another ‘The production of white flags should be stopped; we don’t want/need ‘em anymore’. And it continued. Humiliation in one face could only bring a satisfied smile on another. The Soviet Union and Nazi Germany celebrated the first and second rank respectively for the maximum number of casualties in the most ghastly executed act of mankind, the Second World War!

Every new life that came to this planet feared of the Ultimatum, death on a battlefield, for their country, for their pride.

Present Day! Why is there silence? What is the serenity all about? Let there be another war. Let there be bloodshed, lives taken, honors restored and justice given! So what if there are casualties? We bring new life to Earth. They will live! They’ll learn! They’ll love. And then, one day, they’ll fight! They’ll fight for power. Some of them will perish, some will reign supreme. Ahh, the smile on their face, the feeling of overpowering your enemy (read fellow human being!), nothing beats that! That’s the Ultimatum. Every round from a .50 caliber Browning M2 machine-gun will overcome a prayer from a soldier’s mother. Every empty slot in a magazine will equate to an unanswered prayer. Still, people will laugh and exult, as they are blinded on the ‘other side’. True Love of ‘Blood’ they say! They want it! Their heads will be held high!

They’ll never hear the ‘Other Side’.

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

~Dire Straits

Untamed Reasoning

You want to learn your destiny. You wake up in the middle of The Atacama near an oasis surrounded by Spanish speaking tribes. You don’t know the language. You try to connect. You fail miserably. You try to reach out for a scrumptious Pfannkuchen (A German pancake). You realize that it is a mirage in stead. An image deliberately composed in your sub-conscious to take you out of this nonreversible misery! But, as always you are late! Too late, in fact!

But then, there is always an ‘Other Side’ to desolation. A few English-speaking ‘white’ men respond to your flash-gun. (No, I understand, you didn’t fire one for help) They take you with them; provide you incredible generosity in everything! You relax! Then again, comes the confounding thoughts, these always come, even if you just want them to stay away and get lost in the most distant planet of the Milky Way. You stand up, show your gratitude and gently leave for the unknown. Do they question you? Ask for reasons? No, they don’t. They are least bothered about your helplessness.

You are again left all by yourself to exchange blows with your own wretchedness. You let your mind drift again, only this time you are a little less vigilant. You can see faded images of the banks of the great Rhine amidst the grandeur of the Roman Empire, the castles and vineyards. What a spectacle! Now, you feel, you belong there! The improbable happens! The castle guards catch hold of you, beat you up, and throw you into the woods! Into the wilderness, you are again! You don’t belong there. You are not one of them. You leave the world; leave its ‘show’ of humanity! You reach heaven, believing that there is a GOD, someone who can show you the ‘right’ way. You explore relentlessly, leaving no stone unturned. You realize that you were cheated; at least you make yourself believe so!

You come back to The Atacama, catch hold of a very simple poor man near the oasis. You make signs to him. He understands. He responds. You learn the language. You learn their life. You learn your life. You learn your destiny.

A great day for freedom

“Get out of the house with your football and studs! Now!”

“Popsy, please! I want to study! I really want to!”

“No, Don’t you understand plain English! You go out there and practice and don’t come back before the sun sets!! Do you get me, son?!!”

“Yes, Popsy! And you are mean!” * all sad, sad!! *

// 20 years later! //

“Pop, do you think surviving in one company is possible for more than 2 months!?”

“What do ya mean?” * pretty shocked *

“I mean, it’s like I have changed 25 companies in four years. I don’t feel like working. Nothing motivates me any more! At least, my footballing career was never boring! Ahh...those days! Thanks for all that, Pop! Wouldn’t have done that without ya! Ya know!!”

“Yeah yeah I know! And ask your mom to get me the laptop! Need to write some stuffs”

“What ya Pops! You needn’t document every damn shit we speak!”

“Son, first, don’t you dare swear at me! And Second, this is no documentation! It’s called blogging!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever crap that is! Ok, am off! Divya wants to see the Moon, we’ll give a brief visit, there!”

“Ahh, ok! Be careful! There are a lot of craters there, I heard!”

“Chill Pill dad! It’s not ma first time!”

// 20 years later //

“GrandPa, wanna play NFS-Aliens Arena with me? What are you typing? Can you hear me? Hey Mr. Sounak! Heeheehee”

“Don’t you…. kaw me by my first name! And yes, I…i…can hear you…yeah..so what were you talking ab…about?”

“OldPa, oh gawddd!! Wanna kick some uhmm…wanna play ANN AFF ESS??”

“ok..ok…don..don’t shout..I can hear you! Why don’t you listen to some good music, read some good books? I still do!”

“Grandpa, gimme a break! And anyways…huh..I don’t like these X-transitic-hip-O-hop music anymore! Gimme something that’ll make me..you know…hallucinate or something! Something that’ll make me..ya know…that’ll make me fly…hee hee…something real…ya know..what I mean! Anyways, did ya ever listen to any shite? As in..some music shite? Hee hee”“Grandson! Come here! Have a seat! Wa…want some black coffee?”

“Naah, I don’t like that stuff! Ok, shoot! Am all ears!”

“Trust me, you’ll never forget this sitting! But, promise me, you’ll pass this gyan to the coming generation, Will ya?”

“Ok..ok..cut the promise shit…I can’t!...now tell me…please..fast!!!”

“ok…patient…Long long time ago, a guy, pretty cool guy you see…..“

"Like me? Hee hee”

“yeah, somewhat like ya…named Roger Keith “Syd” Barrett sat with a guitar in his hand and a friend by his side…one George Roger Waters in a studio named Abbey Roads in London…and…”

Way before the term ‘cliché’ was framed!

Every thing was so easy.
Guy: “Hi, I think I like you. I think, I can’t live without you. Will you marry me?”
For a girl: // Mind you, this line for her wasn’t a cliché because ‘cliché’ wasn’t termed yet. This line was like a fresh strawberry ice-cream from the Freezer.
Girl: “Yes, I will” (I think the ideal response should have been. “Yes, I think I will!”, because the guy “thunk” a lot too! )

Guy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Why should I? // with an attitude
Guy: uhmm…because I think you have beautiful eyes!
Girl: awww…sure I would love to go out with you! //Again, mind you! This is perfect in say 1861 AD. Considering that Akbar, Shah Jahan, Sher Shah Suri and co. didn’t have to use these lines. Oh come on, they had wealth; thereby they had ‘power’ and the rest you know….

Coach (after half-time of an American football match): You know what the problem with you guys is!? You guys aren’t playing as a team. (If Sir. Alex Fergusson says that after Manchester United are 0-1 down against West Ham United at The Old Trafford, Christiano Ronaldo would retort back…”Excuse Me! Welcome to Modern Age boss! I believe you need to revise your ‘evolution’ concepts!” )
But, if some Hungarian football coach of early 1900 had said this, the team would have gone into ‘deep though’. Yes, the boss is correct!
The human race is smarter now. ‘Clichés’ are hated!

On the other side!
Let’s consider movies. Now, here we do have a problem. Even so-called ‘smart’ directors, base their script on ‘clichés’, knowing very well that ‘clichés’ don’t work with the movie-goers now!
Still, why do they risk? Maybe, people who are so-so-so used to clichés, they start loving them eventually. Yes, true fact!
When a hero is hit with a bullet (after 743 attempts by the villain), he is bound to recover (Whatever maybe the recovery process!), but the villain dies with just one shot (1 attempt).
Cliché? Yes!
Do you really want a change to this good guy-bad guy rule? Naah!!

All foreigners, be it French, German, Mexican, Russian, Aliens from Outer Space, speak in a common language. English! (of course, exceptions are there in really good movies!)
Cliché? Yes!
Do you want a change to this rule? Naah!

In movies, babies are always born clean with a perfect face and lot of hair on the head. It looks nice.
Cliché? Yes!
Do we complain? Naah! Do we really want to see an ugly, hairless, dirty baby? Naah!

So, we do love clichés! Reason? I would want to know! :-D

PS: ‘Cliché’ is a ‘French’ term.
PPS: A famous quote: “It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then, like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.”

....the Song remains the same...

Welcome Son! Welcome Son!

*I enter! I look behind! I look sideways, left and then right! No, actually it was right and then left with a reverse 180 degree turn. It looks safe!*

I smile; a subdued one!
He gives me a broader smile! There was another commando sitting next to him. But why? I didn't call him! I am mystified!

I take my seat.
They take theirs.

They look at each other and smile at me, I am perplexed.
I give a moronic flabbergasted smile.

I present my case. I want to fly kites in Cairo with the Bantu speaking tribes of Africa.
They look at each other and smile yet again. I am baffled.
There are people with five years of experience who haven’t flown kites in Maldives and you are talking of Cairo?! Are you nuts!
Nuts I was! I stand on my chair and do a small heartbreaking jig. They are impressed. Their faces shine on each other like a crazy diamond. They don’t believe that Syd Barrett is dead!

I present my case 2.01. I want to eat roasted Jelly-fishes in a firang-filled beach somewhere in Southern India itself.
They look at each other and smile. I am bemused.
There are people who don’t get to eat the huge Japanese Spider crabs, and you are talking of Jelly-fishes.
This logic made me think. I was teleported back to my kindergarten days and I could see my ‘professor’ asking me to explain the ‘Quasi-empiricism in Mathematics’. I start crying asking for my mother!

I present my case 3.045. I want to dance with an Angel in the sea of tranquility
They look at each other and start laughing. I am astounded.
There are people who don’t go to zoos of Antarctica despite the fact that they love green mangoes during rainy seasons.
I think. I personally enter the Cerebrum and ask the Neuron Guards, Did you get the logic? They smile at each other. I am still confused. The Neurotransmitter system short-circuits. I get a shock!

Now, I don’t get to present my case anymore. Now I have to dodge their bullets. They load their respective guns. One holds a semi-automatic riot shotgun, the other, a Winchester M1897 Shotgun. They provide me with a purple 4 by 4 square inches hanky and ask me, protect yourself, son! I gleefully accept the hanky!

In a very far away town Montgomerry, Alabama, Dylan sings!
” Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortunetelling lady
Has even taken all her things inside”

Giggle-ATM-Giggle

Location: Axis Bank (ATM), 80 ft Road, Koramangala, Bangalore
Date and Time: Saturday, 6:15 p.m. (So, that is like peak hour!)

I am standing behind an almost-old guy. And in front of him, stands two ladies (20 something), one pretty sweet, another not so!
The tall guy leaves the ATM and makes way for the ladies in waiting.



I, obviously, can’t hear any conversation from outside. So, here I put down the presumed talk-pieces.
Sweet lady: * Searching through her purse, finally takes out her card, say after 45 seconds *Hey, this is my card! Isn’t it sweet? Ohh, I can’t forget the first time I used it! * *Giggle Giggle*
Not so sweet lady: *Further giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: Hey, check my new hairstyle! Guess, from where I got it done!? *Giggle Giggle*
Not so sweet lady: Uhmm…from the Athabasca Glacier of the Canadian Rockies?? *Elegant intellect-look giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: *Disappointed look* Oh come on, sweetheart! *Head bent at 60 degrees giggle*
Not so sweet lady: ok...uhmm…from Bandar Seri Begawan?? *Can’t-stop-the-giggle giggle*
Sweet lady: Duhh..Duhh… *Rapturous giggle*

The guy behind me: Gawdd, and I thought only blondes are dumb!!
Me: hehe..Excuse me! Can you hear ‘em?
The guy behind me: Naah, don’t need to! They look dumb! Hehe

The almost-old guy in front of me: Ladies, can you make it a little faster?! *knocking on the ATM door*
I closely monitor what the sweet lady exactly does!
Puts the card inside—looks at her friend and semi-giggles—hits ‘English’ after a thought-process of 10 seconds—unlocks her purse again much to the annoyance and confusion of the people standing outside—takes out a small paper—reads out a 4-digit number—further co-giggles—forgets the number—reads the paper again—this time without any giggle enters the code—bang--it is wrong—every head outside the ATM is in utter disbelief with a shocked expression and mouthing the WTFs by now—the lady enters the right code this time—hits all the right buttons thereafter—smiles and relief all around outside the ATM—takes out cash and makes way for her friend—Half the crowd outside wipe sweat and the other half, tears of their face!

Not so sweet lady: So, are you going to Rubina’s party tomorrow?! *Animated giggle*
Sweet lady: Guess what, am getting Rostraponkaitos along! He is so cute, he came from Belarus just for me, Isn’t that like sooooo sweet?! *Look-at-me-I-am-Cinderella giggle*
Not so sweet lady: Awwww….
*Before she could giggle. BANG BANG from outside, the almost-old guy in front of me almost broke the door of the ATM, the guard had to stop him! Four people from behind the line left seething with anger, they wanted the cash on Saturday itself, I believe!*

I closely monitor not-so-sweet lady’s activities!
Puts the card inside—enters the code after checking the same from her mobile—everybody outside are pleased with her, shakes their head in approval...*this one is smart*--The display moves to the next screen—everybody outside are further pleased…*Right code, yeah…right code*--Hits ‘savings’—hits ohhh..wait..for it…Balance—“OMG chants outside”—she checks balance—takes her card out—inserts it again—enters the number, yes, of course checks her mobile again—Three more people behind me leaves mouthing slangs unheard to me—This time she enters ‘Cash Withdrawal’—Withdraws the money—puts her card inside her purse—both girls give the *accomplished giggle* to each other!!

The crowd (well, its just 6 of us now) gives the sweet and a half girls a thunderous applause. The girls (Not understanding the applause was a taunt! Oh come on!!! Godammit!!!) gives us further thanks-a-lot giggles and leaves!

I looked at my watch! It was 6:40 p.m.!

PS: This is a true story! :|
PPS: The PS above is also true! :| :|

The Judgement Day

Arguably the grandest Club Footballing occasion on Earth, The UEFA Champions League Final!!Since 1955, the best European teams have been battling hard every season to bag this coveted prize. Only, a handful have been able to touch this precious silverware, the European Champions Club’s Cup!Spanish giants Real Madrid has been the competition’s most successful team. Italian giants AC Milan, the defending champions aren’t far behind in the success story.But, here we move aside the Italians and Spanish, because it’s an All-English Club Final (In fact, the Semifinals lined up three English teams)The red brigade from Greater Manchester is locking horns with the blue shirts from West London.Already crowned Champions in league, Manchester United are riding high with confidence. But, Chelsea, close runners-up in league, aren’t pushovers in any stretch of our imagination.

Before the game, here’s the thoughts and stories and quotes all around the Globe:

John Terry (Chelsea Skipper) – "I want the armband and my England place back. Maybe a performance in this final would go a long way to getting those things back.”

Vidic (Manchester United Center Back) - "It doesn't matter if it is Drogba, Bent or Heskey as every game is hard. Sometimes you find a match here does not go as you would expect. Drogba is a good player, very strong and fast. He has shown that by scoring many goals. You do not know what he is going to do next time. I have been struggling a little bit with injuries but will be ready for the Chelsea game, physically and mentally."

[[Courtesy – espnstar.com]]

Frank Lampard (Chelsea playmaker) - "We've achieved a lot at Chelsea in the last four or five years and we've been very close to this final many times, and obviously the years we have missed out has made us more hungry so we're savouring this build up, We know that the losing finalist is forgotten in history so we are looking to go the full step and we want to finish as the Champions League winners”

Ryan Giggs (Legendary Manchester United Winger) - "Cristiano Ronaldo has been the best player in the world for the last two years. Before that it was Thierry Henry. The best two keepers are both playing tomorrow in Edwin van der Sar and Petr Cech. The list goes on”

[[Courtesy – skysports.com]]

United won in 1968 and 1999, while this is the first final Chelsea have made.BBC Radio 5 Live's Alastair Yeomans in Moscow said the pitch looked "patched up" in places. "The pitch doesn't look too good," he said. "If you look closely you can see where it has been patched up, particularly around the centre circle. It's possible the ball won't run true in places." Uefa is confident the pitch, home to Torpedo and Spartak Moscow, will not be a problem, although it admitted it may not look good.

[[Courtesy – bbc.co.uk]]

With two full strength teams, the final is a tough affair to predict. Recent results and history all seem to point to Chelsea lifting their first ever Champions League Trophy in Moscow. United’s manager will try to keep his unbeaten record in European finals going, and will also try to pay a fitting tribute to the players who died tragically in the Munich air disaster in 1958.

[[Courtesy – dailytimes.com]]

Marcelo Lippi’s thoughts!

“It’s not that these two teams are very English, they contain players from all over the world,” said Lippi, who was manager at Juventus when they faced fellow Serie A side AC Milan in the Champions League final at Old Trafford in 2003. Yes, the clubs are English but the coaches are not English, the owners are not English, there are not many English players.”

Ronaldo's main problem tomorrow is a familiar foe, Ashley Cole, Chelsea's nimble, quick, alert left-back who traditionally excels against the Portuguese. Even if Ronaldo switches flanks, he simply swaps frying-pan for fire in the form of the outstanding Michael Essien. Chelsea's coach, Avram Grant, is unlikely to man-mark Ronaldo because he already possesses high-quality sentries patrolling those areas where United's danger-man is likely to roam, towards Cole and Essien.Assuming he continues with his 4-1-2-3 formation, Grant really has only one decision to make, and that is on the left wing, Salomon Kalou or Florent Malouda. The latter, an inconsistent France international but more of a potential match-winner than Kalou, finished the season strongly and deserves his chance.

[[Courtesy – telegraph.co.uk]]

“The countdown is on to the biggest club match in British football history. Over 40,000 Manchester United and Chelsea fans are expected to descend on Moscow for tomorrow's all-English Champions League final while thousands more will be watching at homeThe Russian authorities have relaxed visa restrictions to facilitate the supporters, allowing people into the country for 72 hours if they provide a match ticket, passport and completed immigration card. Anyone over-staying the 72-hour entry period will have to pay the fee for a regular visa when leaving.”

[[Courtesy – belfasttelegraph.co.uk]]

Venue: Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow

Don't miss it! May the best team win! :D

Shuffling Genres

This is only for all those music enthusiasts, who believe in experimentation with ‘genres’.
Honestly speaking, a worshiper of a Led Zeppelin or a Pink Floyd or an Iron MaidenMetallica or even a Red Hot Chilli Papers, won’t get bored of their respective bands. But, still, there comes ‘those times’ when you want to break free! (No, I am not suggesting you listen to ‘Queen’). Well, even if ‘those times’ don’t actually surface, why not try something new?! A new genre or maybe even a lot of new genres! :)


Ok, I believe, I have successfully confused a lot many.
Cut the shit; let’s get down to musical business.

‘Stoner Rock’ is a genre where you get music jumping from slow to a high tempo or vice-versa. ‘Wolfmother’ is one rocking band that has done justice to this genre.
My favorite ‘WolfMother’ song would be ‘Joker and the Thief’. Among the modern bands, this one from Australia is a must-listen for hard-rock lovers. The guitaring and the drums are pretty rock-solid and entertaining. Touches of ‘Psychedelic Rock’ can be found too; try the song ‘Where eagles have been’. Other amazing numbers are ‘Mother’, ‘Mind’s Eye’ and ‘Vagabond’. Do note that, Wolfmother won the ‘2007 Grammy for the best hard rock performance of the year’!

Lets come to something softer and alternative, yes, I mean ’Alternative Rock’! Finnish rock band, ’Poets of the Fall’ earned their fame/respect through their huge hit ‘Late Goodbye’, my favorite song too! The song features in the credits of Max Payne 2 (2003). The lyrics of the song are pretty mind-blowing and justice has been done by ‘Marko Saaresto’, the lead vocalist. Other catchy numbers are ‘Carnival of Rust’, ‘Sleep’, ‘Lift’ and ‘Locking up the sun’. Do give these a listen, trust me, you won’t repent it.
Talking of ‘Alternative Rock’, ‘Blind Melon’’s ‘No Rain’ is one super-rocking number, though a lot of ‘pop and punk’ influences can be found, this is a multi-platinum song and easily the band’s most successful song.
Continuing with ‘Alternative Rock’, but something a little more unconventional, we have ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’. An American rock band, and also the oldest among the ones I mentioned of this genre! ‘Friends’ lovers would know that ‘Ross’, ‘Chandler’ and ‘Monica’ are fans of ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’. The song that I love, especially because of the wonderful lyrics, is ‘Time’. ‘Hold my hand’ and ‘Let her cry’ are some stunning numbers too.

’Indie Rock’ and ‘Brit Pop’ has been fused together by Welsh band ‘Stereophonics’. Rock lovers may discard this band for ‘Poppish elements’ in some of their songs, but they do really have some crazy rock numbers. ‘Lying in the sun’ is my favorite song. ‘Mr. Writer’, ‘Vegas Two Times’ and ‘Have a nice day’ are few more numbers I gave a listen to! Do try this band, if you haven’t already done so, during your college days.

Speaking of college days, I have unearthed some songs I would often listen to and thereby relate ‘em to my good ol’ college days. Interested in ‘Grunge’ those days, I used to listen to ‘Sugar Ray’ a lot. ‘Someday’, I remember is one awesome number with very beautiful guitaring. Some other notable numbers are ‘Falls Apart’, ‘Fly’, ‘Abracadabra’ and ‘Every Morning’. Continuing with something on the lines of ‘Power Pop’, certainly no way near to the ones by the Spitney Bears or the Harris Piltons, try out ‘Fool’s Garden’. I can only recollect ‘Lemon Tree’, an amazing song, my favorite too. Faint memories of songs like ‘Suzy’ and ‘Wild Days’ come to my mind too, do try ‘em out!

Coming back to rock genres, we have ‘The White Stripes’, who belong to the ‘Garage Rock’ or the ‘Punk Rock’ genre, quite fascinating so to speak! The song ‘Truth doesn’t make a noise’ is one hell of a song. The band has conquered a hell lot of ‘MTV Music Awards’ and ‘Grammys’. ‘Icky Thump’, ‘You don’t know what love is’ and ‘Fell in love with a girl’ are other numbers I have given an ear to.

‘Progressive Rock’ rock lovers can listen to a lot of ‘Jethro Tull’, ‘King Crimson’ (pretty hard drumming involved), ‘Yes’ and ‘Genesis’ considering that you are done and dusted to with the legends of ‘Pink Floyd’. Talking of Floyd and ‘Psychedelic Rock’, I personally prefer ‘Jefferson Airplanes’, especially because of Grace Slick’s vocals. (She looks beautiful too, but that’s not the point! :P)

Lets leave this musical recommendation thingy with the genres ‘Celtic Punk’ and ‘Scottish Rock’. ‘Dropkick Murphys’ is the band am talking about! ‘Walk Away’ and ‘Fields of Anthony’ are some terrific numbers. They have some trademark ‘Irish drinking’ songs too, worth listening to.
So keep experimenting! Don’t get stuck to one or two genres!