The innocent hoi polloi of the town was waiting for this significant day. They were promised Jackfruits, specially designed orange hybrid Pineapples, unique silk-woolen cloths, pencils and pens made of gold and Lord Buddha’s blessing wrapped in transparent polythene for some weird reason. The kids were running ‘havoc’ all over the town, their excitement was unimaginable, and they loved pencils. The elderly crowd was smiling for all they could do was smile. The young and exuberant men and women were celebrating with colors in the middle of nowhere and shouting out encouraging words for no reason whatsoever. The dogs and cats annulled out their long tradition of pointless antagonism and joined other ugly, demented and hopeless animal-brothers in celebrating the eventful day in their weird way. The birds were not promised anything but they felt ‘celebration’ was the need of the hour and so they joined in too, by flying over the top of people’s head like they do anyways. Everywhere, every body was celebrating except for the beggars who were sad. When asked by somebody why they were sad, they just started crying out loud and ran at random directions.
The moment had come. The sky cleared out the clouds which were disconcerting the incessant paranoia of the town by throwing in some disturbing rain droplets. The trees kept quiet even though the leaves felt a huge urge of moving in random directions, but there was no point in moving at random directions because there was simply no breeze. The old sheep-eating tigers that were ready to chase goats on this day, just for a change, changed their minds and went back to the forest and felt quite disgusted about this whole ‘celebration’ thingy going on in the town.
The gate-keepers smiled and opened the gates of uncertainty.
The 25 horse carriages entered the town of Phoolishnagar. The crowd went quiet. They waited with bated breath. The birds stopped flying midway in the sky and tried hard balancing but most of ‘em failed to do so and fell down rather meekly. The carriages stopped and everybody closed their eyes so that they could dream one more time whatever they were dreaming for the last few days. Somebody blew a shrill whistle and an old man died of heart attack. Nobody cared a bit. They just waited for the carriage doors to open.
The moment had arrived. The doors were opened and… fell down in dozens, scores and especially in grosses, lots and lots of brinjals. The crowd was flabbergasted beyond anybody’s wildest possible imagination and those hyper things that happen to people when they get really really shocked. One small kid holding a half-eaten strawberry lollipop in his hand, screamed out ‘With the fork!’. An elderly man who had exactly one tooth (or maybe just one could be seen) responded by saying ‘With the fork!’. A lot of ‘Hunh? Hunh? Hunh?’ totally bemused hushes were heard among the devastated crowd. They didn’t know what to do and so they started shouting out together…’With the fork!’..’With the fork!’…’With the fork!’. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The King’s men laughed out like crazy and left the town leaving the carriages and the brinjals behind. The sun gave a slight smirk and went down calling back the irritating clouds to carry on with their routine, good-for-nothing downpour.
Somewhere very very far away on the top of a hill, a fox screamed out ‘With the fork!’ and jumped from the top of the hill. It had a parachute. It lived. It lived for another day!
Whatever you do, don’t be stupid. Ohkkaye?I am tired of stupid people doing stupid things, behaving stupidly and even making sure they are blasted (recognized???) for their sheer stupidity.
Lady Marmalade “Darling, I feel like having Jelly Fish today. Please can you get me some?” Sir DocileDodo “Sure darling! Why not? They don’t sell ‘em at the market, so I’ll have to do some scuba-diving in the Docomo river.”Lady Marmalade “Ohh Jesus. But isn’t that river infested with Killer Sharks?”
Sir DocileDodo “Ohh dear, you know how brave I am. I can handle a few sharks. Ha ha. You’ll have your jelly-fish by the end of the day”
There! Wrong! Don’t! That is NOT being brave. That is NOT being smart. That is being ...wait for it… STUPID! Yeah. Don’t be stupid. Be practical. Be honest.
* rewind *Lady Marmalade “Ohh Jesus. But isn’t that river infested with Killer Sharks?”
Sir DocileDodo “Yes, dear! * sigh *. You know what, don’t worry. I’ll get you decayed dead snake skin from the nearby forest and even cook it for you. Only for you dear!”
Lady Marmalade “That’ll be so sweet”
Excellent!
Major Razor Sharp Boss “Ahh, Shiva, I heard you are going home today. But, the thing is, we have some things that needs completion by day end, today”
Savvy Savvy Shiva “Sure boss, go ahead. Tell me”
Major Razor Sharp Boss “Shiva, I need you to complete these two modules by end of day if you think that is feasible?”Savvy Savvy Shiva “Ohh Boss, don’t you worry. I’ll be done with the two modules before 5, then I’ll finish off the third module and even the design for the next module which is not even planned. Ha ha.”There! Wrong! Don’t! DO NOT be stupid. Be practical.
* rewind *
Major Razor Sharp Boss “Shiva, I need you to complete these two models by end of day if you think that is feasible?”
Savvy Savvy Shiva “Boss, I think I’ll somehow wrap-up the two modules. But I am going to use BASIC instead of C++. It’d be real crappy and the client might get pissed with me”
Major Razor Sharp Boss “It’s your dedication which is important. Go ahead. My blessings are with you”
Excellent!
Little Diddle Diddly Koko “Daddy, I want that extra-seater turbo cycle, that cute Robot which’ll do everything for me and a small tree-house where I’ll play with my small cars” Bubble Bozo Daddy Dood “Ohh my dear Koko…you ask for it! You get it. In fact, I’m planning to take you to Disney Land every week from now onwards”
Srsly? Stupid mistake committed! Grow UP. Be practical. DO NOT be STUPID.* rewind *
Little Diddle Diddly Koko “Daddy, I want that extra-seater turbo cycle, that cute Robot which’ll do everything for me and a small tree-house where I’ll play with my small cars” Bubble Bozo Daddy Dood “Ohh my dear Koko… I’ve something better in my mind, for you. I’m planning to buy you a deadly semi-automatic Beretta 950 Jetfire. You can shoot whatever you want with that!”
Excellent! The thing is, with progress in technology and all that rock n’roll, people have started their "Walk of absolute Stupidity”. They want to name a generation after stupid people and stupid deeds that the stupid people performed. They want to build the ‘Pillars of inane Stupidity’ and make ‘em some kind of a wonder, probably one of those “Really Stupid Seven Wonders of the World. You kiddin’ me?” And then those other hopeless dim-witted caterpillars would also want to build the “Hanging Garden of improbable Stupidity” and try competing with the ‘Pillars of inane Stupidity’. Guys, these things are pointless. Try to understand that. Grow up, gobble up the stupidity, and throw ‘em out even if they are greenish-yellow in color and they come out of your ears. Don’t be ashamed of the fact that you have been stupid in the past. Except for me, all of you’ve been really stupid, so just admit it. Change yourself. Eat more green vegetables and drink fluorescent green colored fluids which taste like that ‘Not-a-stupid-drink-at-all’ cocktail most famous in Minor Djakarta!Yeah, so, that was my point. Thanks for coming this far.
