Fo(u)ragers. Episode 3. Battle Front.

Prazarella: We either make or break in this war?
Sounkuchetsu: What do you want me to make? I can break, yeah, that’s not a problem!
Nuttsville: Is that a Godzilla? Aren’t Godzillas extinct or something? Ok, no, maybe, Water Lily’s are extinct! Or maybe both?
Reneibeizer: I think we should divide ourselves into groups of two and take our positions.
Prazarella: Yes, Sounkuchetsu, follow my lead; we’ll place ourselves over those rocky hills on the Northern Frontier.
Reneibeizer: Yes, that is neat. I’ll accompany Nuttsville and place ourselves on the Southern Slopes.
Sounkuchetsu: Yes, that sounds neat to me too. We’ll break stuffs from there and you guys break some stuffs from here. Or we can change positions too! Or whatever!
Nuttsville: I maybe hallucinating but are you guys really ignorant about the Godzilla? Or maybe I am not hallucinating at all, and you guys are complete idiots.


Prazarella: Nuttsville, we are supposed to hide and fire at anything we see that is moving. That's what the boss has ordered! Do you get me?
Nuttsville: That is fine. But, do you really want me to harm an innocent Godzilla? Even when it is moving? I don’t mind it! No, I mind it!
Prazarella: Oh god! There is no Godzilla! Or Lizards, or even tigers for that matter! We have received orders to kill moving objects and so we shall be doing the same.
Nuttsville: This smell of fresh air is so intoxicating. Can we go to a pub and have beer and tomato sauce or even hamburgers with extra cheese will do? What do you say?
Prazarella: No! No! We are in the middle of a freaking desert, don’t you understand, you moron! Ok, watch, something is moving!
Nuttsville: Where? That’s a leaf! Let me take aim!
Prazarella: Yes, shoot! Shoot hard! Cut it into pieces! You wanna make war, you bas@#$%s! I am gonna break war!


Reneibeizer: Dude, nothings moving! What do we do? I am getting bored. Do we return back when something moves? But, then we’ll miss it when something actually moves! So, we stay!
Sounkuchetsu: You think this weapon is good enough to kill the millions and millions of Persians that’ll attack us? I mean, what if we get exhausted of bullets? Will the Persians take us as slaves? I don’t mind that! But, I want good food and free surfing and downloading!
Reneibeizer: No Persians are attacking us. And moreover, we are not attacking any Persians! Wait, why do you say so? I mean, why did ..no…how did you get that intuition that we might get attacked by Persians?
Sounkuchetsu: I didn’t get no intuition. I know it! They’ll attack! It’s written in my destiny! To get slaved by Persians and eat Mutton by a swimming pool! Isn’t it marvelous?
Reneibeizer: Dude, that is serious! We don’t have time, we need to inform our boss and even let those two idiots on the Northern frontier know about this impending Persian attack. We need to find out ways to counter Elephants! Damn it! We are timing short of run!

Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking from Northern Frontier? What’s the news from your end? Over and out!
Reneibeizer: This is Reneibeizer speaking, and wait a second, you are no captain! And yes, we are under attack by Persians! Get as many elephant warriors as is possible. We’ll try to stop them by throwing stones or maybe rocks! Over and out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! We don’t have no elephants here. Not even ants! We are on a desert for the sake of Buba Bin Bladen! How are we supposed to get those wild animals from Africa?? And are you sure about the Persian attack? What are the odds that you guys can stop them without us getting elephants, not that we can get them anyways!? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captain, god dammit! We have already reported boss! He gave his orders pretty clear and straight-forward. We really don’t have time! We need to act fast and clever! Over and Out!
Prazarella: This is Captain Prazarella speaking! What does boss say? Over and Out!
Reneibeizer: You are no captian, you Muscatian mongoose!!! The boss says…”Kill anything that moves” Over and Out!

...The Bosco Kids...

Ahh…twas a really nice experience!
I am referring to my visit to an NGO in Bangalore. It was a first of a kind for me. I was actually accompanying a friend of mine, but nonetheless, twas quite incredible!
We were picked up from a common place along with other volunteers for the event and taken to the NGO (somewhere near Old Madras Road). A Father Dcosta (okay, I forgot his name again, my friend’s gonna kill me for this!) takes care of the NGO, bringing up homeless kids in a fantastic fashion, leaving no stones unturned to make their life a fruitful one to live. If I say ‘These were a bunch of talented kids’, my friends, it would be a gross understatement! Some of them acted really well, some danced with panache, some played around, in short, they were a cluster of enthusiastic and highly talented kids. It was good to see many volunteers around, some of whom even performed in the small function arranged for the occasion of Deepawali. There were volunteers from MBA colleges, there were a few Media Persons, a few on their ‘internship-program’ and others were trustees/helpers. Ohhh, yeah, these kids even cooked food for us, which honestly was pretty decent. After lighting ‘Diyas’ and leaving them to enjoy further on ‘their’ festive occasion, we left the place with a mix of a touched and an amazed feeling.

I hope I can return back to the place, and teach these kids some football! Oops, I said it! Shit! :)

Apart from that, I am having a restless time in my life and I won’t say “Dunno Why?!?”, because I know why! :-(
I hope I can come out of this “certain period” as soon as possible.
I want to hold a pigeon in my hand; can somebody show me the door to ‘Certainty’ so that I can rest in peace, dead or alive?

That was just your life!

It's good to be back and I'm back to be good. Confused by the second part of that statement. Well, I'll clear all confusion in some time.


I've decided that, from now onwards, I'll be good! Too much of a generalized statement hunh?. Okay, I'll make things even more clearer. I'll change certain things about me which were bad, rather terribly bad. No, no, you are wrong, if you think that the guy will stop talking crap, the guy will stop preaching 'shiteducation' of irrelevant and inappropriate gibberish (Gibberish can be relevant too, is it? :-S Whatever!), then you need to rethink!
I'll stop calling people by names. No, I don't mean that I'll whistle and call people or show eye/hand movements to call people. I meant names like Dogs, Donkeys, Idiots, Morons, Monkeys and Mamata. I'll rather call them 'Faithful dogs', 'Helpful donkeys', 'Important Idiots', 'Meaningful Morons', 'Clever Monkeys' and err..'Mamata'! I'll stop talking of music and not boast of the fact that I've a sound understanding and 'knowledge' (oooh! Strong word! ) of music. Rather, I'll talk of Siberian Mongooses and their ancestors. In fact, I have a trivia right away. A 1000 years before Lord Jesus Christ was born, there existed Siberian Mongooses, but this trivia was never proved or even talked about anywhere to this date! Unbelievable? Well, don't believe it.
I'll stop talking about football and not boast of the fact that I play and have a very decent understanding of the game. No, I won't. I'll rather talk about 'Liposuction' and its advantages and disadvantages in Modern Times. Since, I don't have any knowledge on this particular subject, my talking/blabbering/preaching can be very disturbing and harmful for human beings, but then there is a good part about it and that is, I won't be talking about football, right? :-D

Apart from this, I won't be talking in 'satires' or 'irony' or 'metaphors'. I'll call a Spade a Spade. I mean, come on, if you call it Clubs or Diamonds, it would be cheating in a Card Game right? No, I won't cheat.
Similarly, if Zoliacorzen Morzee dies, I'll say, he died. I won't say 'Zolia kicked a bucket', because that'll be lying right? What about his family? His dogs? His cats? His car-drivers? Why do I give them renewed hope making them believe that the guy actually kicked a bucket and just hurt his toe, because that is not the truth?! The 'fact' is Zoliacorzen Marzee died, and nobody should change it.

So, that is that! I hope I can follow the rules I've set for myself. It'll be better if the rules follow me, because I am lazy.

Adios! Oops! :)

...Wasted it all.. A self-composed song

The audio recording of this song will be posted when the recording is done! :)
For the time being, please check out the lyrics and the chords. The strumming is pretty simple. It is something like this. DOWN-DOWN UP-UP DOWN-UP-DOWN-UP.

C D
I was afraid, I threw away the six strings!
C D
They never understood the G lik'a G would be!
C D
I sat beside a lake staring towards the 'livion.
C D
Not waiting for my signal, they rushed to me.

[ It's the same chords throughout! ]
My irritation was ignored, the flag was flown.
an ol' book was brought to me, I was asked to write.
They tied my hands, the red drops were bliss!
But I still had it in me, I put up a fight!

The guillotine was brought, he waved his hands.
The merchant rode by, showed me no compassion.
I cried my hearts out, wanted my last chance.
The princess watched cold, from her old mansion

I lied there unmoved, like a dead man ought to be
Another chapter was closed, mocked the city lad.
The eagle stooped low, t'was mighty concerned.
walked away everybody, leavin' the 'reaved n' the bad!

A
Why was I chosen to live
G
.... this life?
A
The stars were a better place
G
... to live.
A
Or is it that they gave me
G
... a chance
A
And I lost it and wasted
G
... it all...
Dm
.....wasted it all... (x4 times and voice fades away!)

PS: This is an initial stage for the song, there's certainly going to be changes in chords, lyrics and many such post-processing before I come up with the finished product. :)

Qutb-ud-din-Aibak

A long, long time ago, in the times of Emperor Qutb-ud-din Aibak, everything was so easy. The emperor lived a tension-free life. He enjoyed his drive down the country-side (I mean, Old Delhi) in his dark red Lamborghini Gallardo. He was a gadget-freak! He had a MS XBOX 360, an i-Phone 3G, an i-Pod Classic, a Sony Cybershot DSC W130 and a time-machine. He was satisfied with what he had. He didn't want more. He practiced 'Slavery' and strongly believed that it was uber-cool, it helped people to become efficient and disciplined. On that point, one Oskar Schindler would have High-Five'd him in some imaginary Historical Time-to-time Continuum.
Qutb had a problem in life. He had a friend who gave him suggestions, regarding most of the decisions he took. Well, the suggestions weren't a problem. The problem was the guy. This guy was called Fillin-deih-eehars Mohammad! FDE Moddy gave suggestions even when he was not asked to! He gave suggestions even when there were no problems discussed with him. He gave suggestions even when he could not give suggestions. He was a give-suggestions-addict! How does one get rid of such people? Qutb had no other options. One night, he sneaked into FDE Moddy's room and stabbed him thirteen times with a fairly long vegetable knife. FDE Moddy died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Iron Maiden's 'Afraid to shoot strangers'. The lines were...
"But how can we let them go on this way?
The reign of terror corruption must end
And we know deep down there's no other way
No trust, no reasoning, no more to say
Afraid to shoot strangers"

Qutb was perplexed about these lines because he listened to Shania Twain and Snoop Dogg all his life. Iron Maiden was not his cup of tea.
Days after the murder, another guy came to meet Qutb, he was called Pleahh-Leehen-tuhh-meah Gurk! This guy wanted to help Qutb. PLT Gukky helped Qutb when he was asked to. He helped Qutb when he wasn't asked to. He helped Qutb when he couldn't help Qutb. Qutb became irritated with this guy. One night, he sneaked into PLT Gukky's room and fired him six shots from his Mark 1 0.50 Desert Eagle semi-automatic pistol. PLT GUkky died, but before dying he sang a few lines from Metallica's newly released 'Unforgiven-III'. The lines were...
"How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?"

Qutb started realizing and understanding a few common things between the two murders. One day, when Qutb was watching 'The Dark Knight' in his Samsung DVD-player, a guy named Kahein-kahein-seeaye-Jaatein Burbak came and challenged Qutb to an one-on-one battle. Qutb was a bored man, he accepted the challenge. He fought very bravely, lost an eye, but won the battle. He killed the man! KKSJ Burby died, but before dying he sang aloud a few lines from Floyd's immortal classic, which were...

"Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life"

From that day to the day Qutb died, his iPod classic was always filled with Rock Music. He understood it! He felt it! He loved it! He worshipped it!
After his death, his grave read...
"There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And shes buying a stairway to heaven.

PS: The 'Historical facts' mentioned in this blog are utter rubbish. If you believed them, then you are stupid, not me!

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 2. In an art gallery

Well, here goes part-2 of the crazy series!
Things will get more and more serious from now on!

Prazarella: "What is this?"
Nutsville: "This is art!"
Prazarella: "I know that! I was wondering what the person actually drew. I can’t figure out."
Nutsville: "If you can’t figure out, how do you know it is art?"
Prazarella: "I just asked because people were admiring it."
Nutsville: "People admire it, doesn’t mean you’ll need to admire it too! People admire killing of pigs. Do you admire it!"
Prazarella: "No!"
Nutsville: "See!"
Prazarella: "No, I mean NO, people don’t admire killing of pigs."
Nutsville: "Some do! But that’s not the point. It’s about art. Admiring it or not admiring it!"
Prazarella: "Do you know what art is?"
Nutsville: "No!"

Reneibeizer: "Look at the brush stroke! It is beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes. No. It is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "What makes you think it is not beautiful?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I never said it is not! I just said, it is ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "Look at the dark purple shade behind the trees in the midst of a sunset! Beautiful!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, it is ugly! The shade shouldn’t have been there and it should have been a sunrise."
Reneibeizer: "You are supposed to just admire or not admire the painting! You are not supposed to pass a judgment."
Sounkuchetsu: "Where are the other two?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t have the slightest of ideas."
Sounkuchetsu: "There they are!"

Prazarella: "Guys, these are some amazing paintings. Aren’t they beautiful?"
Reneibeizer: "From whatever I understand of painting, these are beautiful."
Prazarella: "What do you understand of painting?"
Reneibeizer: "Nothing!"
Nutsville: "I find this a very stupid place. I think we should leave."
Sounkuchetsu: "Yeah, the paintings are ugly. I say this from whatever understanding I have of paintings."
Nutsville: "What do you understand of paintings?"
Sounkuchetsu: "Absolutely Nothing!"
Prazarella: "Let’s meet our friend who organized this art gallery! Donjuang!"
Donjuang: "Alloh Friends! Aoow whas the paintings?"
Prazarella: "They were fantastic!"
Sounkuchetsu: "They were ugly!"
Reneibeizer: "They were meaningful."
Nutsville: "They were like..ahh…not paintings! Fonjuang, were they really paintings?"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! Yaha, they were the paintings! Why do you say they are not paintings!?"
Nutsville: "Ahh..No! I mean from whatever I understand of paintings, they were not! Nice to meet you Lonjuang!"
Donjuang: "The hame is Donjuang! What do you understand of paintings?"
Nutsville: "Nothing Ongjuang!!"
Prazarella: "We should leave!"

Fo(u)ragers. Episode 1. In a cell

Well, I had released this Shdag (A short-dialogue-based-story) in my internal corporate blogs quite some time back. I forgot to post it here. So, here it goes. It's going to be a series of absolute gibberish. Please bear with it!



Prazarella: "Why are you here?" (Looking at Sounkuchetsu with an inverted S-shaped right eye-brow)
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you here?" (Not looking at Prazarella, but responding immediately!)
Prazarella: "I asked you the question!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Even I asked you the question!"
Prazarella: "Okay, sorry I asked!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you sorry?"
Prazarella: "I had just asked you, Why are you here?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I did a wrong!"
Nuttsville: * interfering * "How do you know what is right and what is wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I don’t know what is right and what is wrong."
Nuttsville: "Then how can you label your deed as wrong?"
Sounkuchetsu: "I cannot!"
Nuttsville: "But you did!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Yes, because I was wrong!"
Nuttsville: "But, you don’t know what is right and what is wrong?!"
Prazarella: * Cutting Nuttsville short * "Do you know?" (Looking at Nuttsville with an inverted S-shaped left eye-brow)
Nuttsville: "No, I don’t!"
Prazarella: "Why are you here, Nuttsville?"
Nuttsville: "I killed a goat. And I shouldn’t be here!"
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a goat."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t!"
Prazarella: "And what does that mean?"
Nuttsville: "I thought it was a goat! But, it wasn’t. It was a hen."
Prazarella: "No ways! They won’t put you behind bars for killing a hen."
Nuttsville: "No, they won’t! It was a human. I thought it was a hen."
Prazarella: "How can you mistake a human for a hen or a goat for that matter?"
Nuttsville: "No, I didn’t make a mistake. I killed a man! I wanted to kill a man!"
Prazarella: "Then why do you say that you shouldn’t be here?"
Nuttsville: "Because I thought it was a goat!"
Reneibeizer: * gets up from slumber * "Guys, will you keep your mouth shut and let me sleep. I have a war to fight! The Americans are attacking Vietnam and I have to save Vietnam.
I have to win them their country almost single-handedly. I want to earn money!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Why are you fighting them? Are you getting paid?"
Reneibeizer: "No, why will they pay me, I am fighting against them."
Sounkuchetsu: "I meant, are the Vietnamese paying you?"
Reneibeizer: "No."
Sounkuchetsu: "Then how do you plan to earn money from battle?"
Reneibeizer: "I don’t plan to earn money from battle. I want to battle and I want to earn money separately."

Prazarella: "I want to go to battle too."
Reneibeizer: "No, you cannot!"
Prazarella: "Why so?"
Reneibeizer: "Because you are behind bars. You did a wrong. What wrong did you do?"
Prazarella: "I stole brownies from a bakery of a Jew."
Reneibeizer: "Why will they put you behind bars for stealing cakes?"
Prazarella: "I’ve no idea. This is not right!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right and what is wrong to you?"
Sounkuchetsu, Prazarella and Reneibeizer: "Shut up Nuttsville!"
Reneibeizer: "Did you charge the owner?"
Prazarella: "No, he is no more!"
Reneibeizer: "What happened to him?"
Prazarella: "He was killed when I was stealing the brownies."
Reneibeizer: "Oh and you were caught! Sad old tale! It is okay, you can fight for it! Relax! Did you see the guy who killed the owner?"
Prazarella: "No. "
Reneibeizer: "But you were there right? How come you missed it?"
Prazarella: "Because I killed him!"
Reneibeizer: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Sounkuchetsu: "Ohh…Wrong!"
Nuttsville: "What do you think is right…
Reneibeizer: *cutting him short * "Nuttsville, don’t make me bite into your left ear!"

PS: This bizarre Episode/Series will continue! Sorry about it!

Land-Lords and Terrorists!!

A prelude: I, Tine-e-Quedetich and Harrangues are in the look out for a rented house to stay. Since, myself and Harrangues are busy in some other issues, this Tine-e-Quedetich go and handle issues with our new owner, settles a new agreement with his name on it. He clearly tells the owner that he’ll be staying only for a month or so and will be leaving for higher studies in France. (MS @Grenoble)
Later, I accompany Tine and go and meet the owner. All the agreement and caution deposit issues are settled and the latter paid. The owner leaves for a vacation to Europe that night itself and doesn’t let us know his arrival-to-India date.

Meanwhile: Tine-e-Quedetich had to leave for his home after complications with his company officials. He resigns and leaves for his hometown in West Bengal. He can’t inform the owner because he is not aware of Amsterdam’s best local pub’s contact number or the contact number of the best hotel in Berlin.

Present day: The owner calls me this weekend and asks me for the remaining balance of the caution deposit that we had promised him to pay a month later (and on which he had agreed upon). I respond in the affirmative and he has no problems with it. Now, comes the complicated part. He had called up Tine-e-Quedetich earlier and had come to know that he had left. So, basically he is psyched up. He enquires about my room-mate (we’ll soon come to the nitty-gritty details of this enquiry) and asks me to explain why we didn’t contact him in Europe by using GPS and finding out where he was and fax him based on his location. He asks me for an immediate visit. I leave office at 5 and reach his place at 6:30 or so.

Owner a.k.a Mojerfutharrs.

Mojerfutharrs: Hello, so tell me who is this new guy?
Me: He is not a new guy. You were already aware of him, just that he didn’t meet you in person.
Mojerfutharrs: So that makes him a new guy. How can you let a stranger in my house without my permission?
Me: I was working, I was busy, a short trip to Europe to let you know that Tine had left, was not possible or say, feasible.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, so who is this guy? What caste he belongs to? He believes in caste system, right?
Me: His forefathers were the ones who created the caste system in West Bengal. He is not only a believer, a follower but a preacher too. He broke his hand, put a cast around it, just to show his deep belief in the caste system.
Mojerfutharrs: Okays, very impressive. He’s never been to prison, right?
Me: He got many offers from the best prisons in India. He rejected all such offers and showed his belief of the LAW, once and for all.
Mojerfutharrs: Good, impressive. He has never raped a girl, right? Or even a man?
Me: No, by god’s grace, No, never! He cried and fasted for four consecutive days once, when he heard that Shamaklal Tihari contemplated on raping a girl but did not do so. He is very sensitive about these issues. Please don’t ask such questions!
Mojerfutharrs: Oh, is it? Very good! Did he ever get abused by anybody?
Me: No, never! But, folklore has it, that his great-great-great-grandfather’s maternal uncle was abducted by a handicapped dumb, deaf and blind alien from Corsotica-546DDQT. The alien might have abused the guy but complete information is/was not available. Folklore has it that his grandson used to have some nightmares, but those died out. My friend never had any problems.
Mojerfutharrs: Good! Very good! Was this guy ever been involved in terrorist activities? Did he ever develop nuclear weapons?
Me: Oh No, never! On the contrary, he had been to Afghanistan to fight terrorism. He is always against terrorism and wanted to show his belief by fighting in the anti-terrorist war.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, So did he hurt himself in the war? How was the experience?
Me: Ohh, the experience was good. Just that he could not reach Afghanistan and in stead landed up in Tibet. He got chased by some monks. And thereby, he came back to India, but with newer resolve and deeper belief in terrorism and Buddhism.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh..uhmm..ok..Good! Does the guy smoke? Is he an alcoholic?
Me: He doesn’t come 100 meters close to any kind of smoke. He hates pollution. He understands Global Warming. He is fighting for that particular cause too. He abhors alcohol. He once wore a black band to office to protest against alcoholism. It is a different story that he lost the black band and broke the ATM machine, but that’s not the point.
Mojerfutharrs: Ohh, that is great.
Me: So, shall we make a new contract? You don’t have any problems with my friend right?
Mojerfutharrs: Hmm..let me think. Meet me tomorrow, I’ll take a decision.