Clash of the remote controls

This is a 'secret-santa-wish-write-up' for my team members about the game of football.

Sharing the same here!

First of all, I’d like to thank my Santa for using the word ‘Football’ and not ‘Soccer’ even if it was written inadvertently.

I’ll take up this write-up by bringing in the age old Men-Women clash-of-opinions or do I say ‘clash-of-remote-controls’ unfolding all the myths about the ‘beautiful game’ and driving out the insecurities from some of your minds. At the end of this mail, there’s going to be ‘One Winner’, who’ll be the winner? Ohh, you can trust me on that. ;-)

From the legends of “Roman soldiers playing with skulls as footballs” to the “Streets of Calcutta getting divided into the ‘Brazil’ half and the ‘Argentina’ half during World Cup matches”, football is a journey, it is an experience of its own, it is a stage unleashed for the passionate hoi polloi. To me, it is a license to get out of the monotone sarcastically termed as ‘Life’ and dive into the frenzied high tide of Football-madness.

The madness includes endless discussions about the ‘game’ (pointless as some might say. Hunh? What?), fighting for your team (Arsenal rules man, I don’t care!), late-night-football-watching (and obviously coming to office late), wearing the cool jerseys with your name and your favorite number inscribed on it (Yes, I have got one too), shouting at your neighbor’s irritating Cocker Spaniel to just stop barking during football matches (Ohh you just needed a reason to shout at the poor animal), celebrating victories of your team at the local ‘hangout’, making friends over those endless football discussions, breaking up with those same friends because they had a ‘different opinion’ about the ‘game’ and last but not the least, ‘fighting for your right’ with your grand-mom/mom/sister/girl-friend/wife (Basically the entire fraternity of ‘What-on-Earth-is-this-stupid-game-all-about?’)

Continuing with that last ‘point’, It is all about wanting that remote-control back when Arsenal are one ahead in the ‘stoppage time’ at Stamford Bridge and you know very well that the annoying Didier Drogba can put one past our keeper and make your night the worst ever.

Me: “Mom, do you even understand how important this is? This is it. The moment! We can win the league after 6 years”

Mom: “What?? Do you understand how important this episode of K is? And anyways, they will show this match again.” * sister nods her head frantically in indisputable agreement * * Dad looks away and pretends to read the newspaper *

Me: “Oh God, for heaven’s sake, just the last 5 minutes and the remote-control is all yours. And please…there’s no fun watching a match after knowing a result…”

Mom: “No, you are not getting the remote-control. Go and browse the internet for the results. And anyways, how can this be so important? I can only see 22 players running aimlessly behind one football”

There. She said it yet again. To be honest, I tried explaining to my mom that it was not all about “22 players running aimlessly behind one football” (though she had a point, it wasn’t entirely untrue), but she just wouldn’t understand. But then, with time, I realized there was no ‘point’ in explaining such things to her, exactly, like there was absolutely no point in explaining to me why Tulsi loathed her daughter-in-law or something on those lines. So a mutual agreement had to be the order of the day. I just wanted 90 minutes of TV time for me in the entire week and that being that evening of Saturday when I didn’t want anybody to even contemplate on snatching the remote-control from me. Plan agreed upon. Who won? To me, the ‘beautiful game of football’!

From Circa-1995’ to the point of writing-this-mail-now, I’ve realized that being a football fan puts me in a different ‘layer of ozone’. I think differently compared to Homo sapiens from other layers of the ozone. I reach levels of ecstasy which are completely alien to football-non-followers. I eat, drink, dream, watch, walk, run, breathe the game of football but there are others who don’t or maybe even cringe at the idea of doing so. I relate to stuffs like ‘Busby Babes’, own goals and the gold-and-maroon-of-Mohun-Bagan while others think I am crazy.

At the end of it all, after years of ‘football education’ (A football erudite, if you can say so), I am open to the idea of ‘spreading across’ the ‘knowledge’ and sanctify the so-called-notion-about-the-game-of-football or speaking like a purist ‘drill the football-game-theory into your brains’ IF and ONLY IF you are open to the idea of learning and I meant learning about the beautiful game of football. ;-)

For starters, the FOOTBALL WORLD CUP is just round the corner, in 2010, so are you sacrificing the remote-control for all-those-innocent-introvert-beings-who-loves-you-more-than-football-except-when-a-football-game-is-ON? :-D

Amen.

This write-up is a copyright of Sounak Mukherjee, and is NOT to be used/copied/distributed/Chinese-whispered/gossiped anywhere.

Thanks © Sounak, 2009-10’.

With the fork!!

The innocent hoi polloi of the town was waiting for this significant day. They were promised Jackfruits, specially designed orange hybrid Pineapples, unique silk-woolen cloths, pencils and pens made of gold and Lord Buddha’s blessing wrapped in transparent polythene for some weird reason. The kids were running ‘havoc’ all over the town, their excitement was unimaginable, and they loved pencils. The elderly crowd was smiling for all they could do was smile. The young and exuberant men and women were celebrating with colors in the middle of nowhere and shouting out encouraging words for no reason whatsoever. The dogs and cats annulled out their long tradition of pointless antagonism and joined other ugly, demented and hopeless animal-brothers in celebrating the eventful day in their weird way. The birds were not promised anything but they felt ‘celebration’ was the need of the hour and so they joined in too, by flying over the top of people’s head like they do anyways. Everywhere, every body was celebrating except for the beggars who were sad. When asked by somebody why they were sad, they just started crying out loud and ran at random directions.

The moment had come. The sky cleared out the clouds which were disconcerting the incessant paranoia of the town by throwing in some disturbing rain droplets. The trees kept quiet even though the leaves felt a huge urge of moving in random directions, but there was no point in moving at random directions because there was simply no breeze. The old sheep-eating tigers that were ready to chase goats on this day, just for a change, changed their minds and went back to the forest and felt quite disgusted about this whole ‘celebration’ thingy going on in the town.

The gate-keepers smiled and opened the gates of uncertainty.
The 25 horse carriages entered the town of Phoolishnagar. The crowd went quiet. They waited with bated breath. The birds stopped flying midway in the sky and tried hard balancing but most of ‘em failed to do so and fell down rather meekly. The carriages stopped and everybody closed their eyes so that they could dream one more time whatever they were dreaming for the last few days. Somebody blew a shrill whistle and an old man died of heart attack. Nobody cared a bit. They just waited for the carriage doors to open.

The moment had arrived. The doors were opened and… fell down in dozens, scores and especially in grosses, lots and lots of brinjals. The crowd was flabbergasted beyond anybody’s wildest possible imagination and those hyper things that happen to people when they get really really shocked. One small kid holding a half-eaten strawberry lollipop in his hand, screamed out ‘With the fork!’. An elderly man who had exactly one tooth (or maybe just one could be seen) responded by saying ‘With the fork!’. A lot of ‘Hunh? Hunh? Hunh?’ totally bemused hushes were heard among the devastated crowd. They didn’t know what to do and so they started shouting out together…’With the fork!’..’With the fork!’…’With the fork!’. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The King’s men laughed out like crazy and left the town leaving the carriages and the brinjals behind. The sun gave a slight smirk and went down calling back the irritating clouds to carry on with their routine, good-for-nothing downpour.

Somewhere very very far away on the top of a hill, a fox screamed out ‘With the fork!’ and jumped from the top of the hill. It had a parachute. It lived. It lived for another day!

DO NOT be Stue-peed

Whatever you do, don’t be stupid. Ohkkaye?

I am tired of stupid people doing stupid things, behaving stupidly and even making sure they are blasted (recognized???) for their sheer stupidity.

Lady Marmalade “Darling, I feel like having Jelly Fish today. Please can you get me some?” Sir DocileDodo “Sure darling! Why not? They don’t sell ‘em at the market, so I’ll have to do some scuba-diving in the Docomo river.”
Lady Marmalade “Ohh Jesus. But isn’t that river infested with Killer Sharks?”
Sir DocileDodo “Ohh dear, you know how brave I am. I can handle a few sharks. Ha ha. You’ll have your jelly-fish by the end of the day”

There! Wrong! Don’t! That is NOT being brave. That is NOT being smart. That is being ...wait for it… STUPID! Yeah. Don’t be stupid. Be practical. Be honest.

* rewind *

Lady Marmalade “Ohh Jesus. But isn’t that river infested with Killer Sharks?”
Sir DocileDodo “Yes, dear! * sigh *. You know what, don’t worry. I’ll get you decayed dead snake skin from the nearby forest and even cook it for you. Only for you dear!”
Lady Marmalade “That’ll be so sweet”

Excellent!

Major Razor Sharp Boss “Ahh, Shiva, I heard you are going home today. But, the thing is, we have some things that needs completion by day end, today”
Savvy Savvy Shiva “Sure boss, go ahead. Tell me”
Major Razor Sharp Boss “Shiva, I need you to complete these two modules by end of day if you think that is feasible?”
Savvy Savvy Shiva “Ohh Boss, don’t you worry. I’ll be done with the two modules before 5, then I’ll finish off the third module and even the design for the next module which is not even planned. Ha ha.”

There! Wrong! Don’t! DO NOT be stupid. Be practical.

* rewind *

Major Razor Sharp Boss “Shiva, I need you to complete these two models by end of day if you think that is feasible?”
Savvy Savvy Shiva “Boss, I think I’ll somehow wrap-up the two modules. But I am going to use BASIC instead of C++. It’d be real crappy and the client might get pissed with me”
Major Razor Sharp Boss “It’s your dedication which is important. Go ahead. My blessings are with you”

Excellent!

Little Diddle Diddly Koko “Daddy, I want that extra-seater turbo cycle, that cute Robot which’ll do everything for me and a small tree-house where I’ll play with my small cars” Bubble Bozo Daddy Dood “Ohh my dear Koko…you ask for it! You get it. In fact, I’m planning to take you to Disney Land every week from now onwards”

Srsly? Stupid mistake committed! Grow UP. Be practical. DO NOT be STUPID.

* rewind *

Little Diddle Diddly Koko “Daddy, I want that extra-seater turbo cycle, that cute Robot which’ll do everything for me and a small tree-house where I’ll play with my small cars” Bubble Bozo Daddy Dood “Ohh my dear Koko… I’ve something better in my mind, for you. I’m planning to buy you a deadly semi-automatic Beretta 950 Jetfire. You can shoot whatever you want with that!”

Excellent!

The thing is, with progress in technology and all that rock n’roll, people have started their "Walk of absolute Stupidity”. They want to name a generation after stupid people and stupid deeds that the stupid people performed. They want to build the ‘Pillars of inane Stupidity’ and make ‘em some kind of a wonder, probably one of those “Really Stupid Seven Wonders of the World. You kiddin’ me?” And then those other hopeless dim-witted caterpillars would also want to build the “Hanging Garden of improbable Stupidity” and try competing with the ‘Pillars of inane Stupidity’. Guys, these things are pointless. Try to understand that. Grow up, gobble up the stupidity, and throw ‘em out even if they are greenish-yellow in color and they come out of your ears. Don’t be ashamed of the fact that you have been stupid in the past. Except for me, all of you’ve been really stupid, so just admit it. Change yourself. Eat more green vegetables and drink fluorescent green colored fluids which taste like that ‘Not-a-stupid-drink-at-all’ cocktail most famous in Minor Djakarta!

Yeah, so, that was my point. Thanks for coming this far.

....T R A V I A N ....

* pheww * Ok, that was for the ‘New Post’ button to check if it still works. Well, yes, it does! I know what you fellas and fellis think, that laziness has reached the point of no return. Well, for a change, NO! That is not the reason.

My room-mate says…”Dood, when you play Travian, you don’t have a life”. He is absolutely bang on target. I don’t have a life. I play Travian. I devote a hell lot of time to Travian every freaking day of my life. It is getting crazier by the day. I can’t take it out of my system. It seems like I am being playing the game from the primordial times, even before the dinosaurs existed. I am more addicted to it than probably Jim Morrison was addicted to Lysergic acid diethylamide. Not that I am addicted to the latter at all, but that is not the point. My playing hours are something like this…-after-coming-back-from-office-till-late-night-…early morning….before I start working…before lunch break…after 5..i.e. before going to the gym…after coming back from gym…crazy shit I tell you. I need a break. I need to pulverize the very existence of the game’s vision from my mind. I want to get normal, lead a normal life.

Oh by the way, for all you guys who are playing the game. I am on Server 4 (with the alias ‘KingTheGreatOne’) and Server 7 (with the alias ‘Cesc’, nearing Endgame). Do let me know if you are on server 4. We can discuss strategies and what not. We can ..erm…NO…That is it. I need to stop.

In other news, err…If I have some, I’ll get back to you guys.

Damn, ‘energy’ is full @ Mafia Wars, I need to finish ‘jobs’. See you guys.

Then and Now....Blehh? or Wow?

Rewind four years. We are looking at circa 2005. Location is Mysore, Infosys Technologies Ltd. We come from Bangalore in a car which belongs to a friend called Arjun. Who all are in the car? Let me recollect. Pedda, Arjun, Siddharth, John (Atendra???) and yours truly. I’m not 100% sure though. We have lunch at Dominos because we’re late. (I pinged Pedda some time back, the old man can’t remember it, hehe) We take ourselves to the hostel rooms which are pretty classy.
*rolls rolls*
Second Day! Group Discussion. Location is a room named ‘Rani Laxmibhai’. Siddharth and Shirley (both from my college) are seated to my right. There are 10 more fellas in the room. I remember Tushar and Sailesh as two of ‘em and of course Somnath and Tanmoy (who are from Durgapur, surprise surprise!!) who later go on to become ‘friends for life’. Oooh, strong term! :-D
*rolls rolls*
I get to meet Pallavi, Denver, Monika, Smiti and Rashmi, and we become good friends. I still remember composing a song in the music room of Mysore (Lyrics written by Pallavi, Denver and me).
*rolls rolls*
Bangalore happens. I remember running to the ‘Game Room’ (It was Room 402 of the Hostel Block C) every day in the afternoon for NFS Underground action. We (Me and Pedda) gave instructions to Pushpita, as to what she needs to tell our mentor if she’s asked about our whereabouts.
*rolls rolls*
The coffee breaks with Ipsita and Atul still brings a huge smile on my face. We used to have these ‘Singing sessions’ where Ipsita ( a talented singer) approved Atul’s ultra-melodious voice. *cough cough*
*rolls rolls*
I get a mail from a girl asking me about our Business Unit (How good or bad it is?!). I give her my opinion.To this day, Ruchi curses me for that opinion I gave. Come on, I didn’t force her to come here. Did I? :-D
*rolls rolls*
A guy in the gym bumps into me and goes like… “You are Sounak right?” Err…uhmm…Well, I didn’t identify him, oh come on, he had a James Hetfield DP on Infyblogs. *respect*. Rinil has done 873 covers from that day till today. (Covers? Well, nevamind! :-D)
*rolls rolls*
Sridevi was leaving the company, so we (me and Rinil) bought her a gift and got a card which was to be signed by a lot of bloggers from across the globe. Err. (One Soumya’s idea it was) Among the many who came to sign that card, I remember meeting two fellas(a guy and a girl), who came, said ‘Hi’, signed, and left. I remember asking the guy a very stupid question…”So, are you Natarajan?” (I knew two of ‘em are coming, one was Karuna and so obviously… Jeez!! :-| )
*rolls rolls*
‘Crappola’ chat convos. Oooh! Sorry, confidential Info. :-D

8th August, 2009. Am I delighted? Not really.
Sad? No boss!
Nostalgic? Of course! :-D


I had a dream
Oh, yeah
Crazy dream, uh-huh.
Anything I wanted to know
Any place I needed to go
Hear my song
Yeah...people dont you listen now? sing along!
Oh, you dont know what youre missing now.
Any little song that you know
Everything thats small has to grow.
And it has to grow!....

P.S: Forgive me for the highly incoherent writing. I'm really emotional right now. Crying like a baby. Blood flowing from my right nostril. Green Pus flowing from my
left ear. The left hand is paralysed and err...Ok, you get the point!

A little bit of this and a little bit of that!

Well, first of all, Hi to uhmm…to all of you who uhmm…don’t read this blog. And secondly, ‘Hi’ to you ‘Robbins’ for reading this blog on a regular basis! You’ve been a life saver, no, srsly.

Ok, yeah, I’ve been so blank all these days, that I just didn’t have the patience to pen a few shitty words on my beloved EnigmaticExis….. One major reason for that would be, giving my ‘all’ to the brand new ‘Arsenal Blogging’ thingy I started with a friend of mine, which we try to update almost every two days.

Apart from that, I am learning horse-riding which’ll help me to ride Unicorns in broad day-light if I manage to get hold of one. Ohh, and I would love to learn ‘Mankali’, a tribal dance of Kerala. I’ve not seen or heard about it, but I hope it is nice and a bit stimulating. That helps and probably’ll cure my insanity.

Ahh, you guys, especially you Robbins, should know that I had a very weird day today, not that it really matters to you.

I didn’t get to see the really cute girl I see everyday when I leave home for office.I’d a really disgusting lunch, every item tasted crap, the Amul Chocolate drink I’ve everyday after lunch was over, so missed that too. At work, most of the things didn’t work today. I managed to hurt my back a bit while gymming. And last but not the least, I managed to NOT get a window seat for the first time in 4 years in Infy. Twas some achievement right? And why? All because of some godamn zombies who walks like err…zombies! Nevermind.

I read about an interesting piece of news. The Indian PM held peace talks with our beloved neighbor up North West. The PAK government was like ‘We’ll share our intelligence with you the next time an attack takes place'. Wait! Come again.

That is like, “Hey dood, listen, we promise you, we are going to share every last details of our ‘Intelligence’ with you guys when we attack you again on the 19^th of September at Nokaradinda, Mugalabad, Inshallah”. Freaking hilarious. Bunch of Hokashintoplushes!!!

I’ll try to keep this page filled with a lot of crappola from now onwards

P.S: The automated mail that flooded your inbox every time I updated this page, will not reach you guys anymore. Ahh, that’ll be mighty peaceful.

Before I sign off, an advice; if you hate mangoes, try rotten custard apple dipped in a lot of mayonnaise, if you still hate mangoes, try sleeping through the entire summer. Yeah. Brilliant, I know.

I don't like The Man

A splash of water woke me up. I, somehow managed to open my eyes and get the feel of life, universe and everything, well, almost everything.

And I could hear the immortal words of Jack Black... "Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!" ~~ School of Rock

Why did I wake up? To fight against the wishes of The Man? To prove that The Man is wrong? Whatever it is, I knew the truth, but I kept it safely away from the 'Expediency'. I kept it locked in a safe away from sunlight and the devil.
I just wanted to defy logic and run and keep on running.

"And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to nought
Or half a page of scribbled lines" ~~Time - Pink Floyd

One day, tired, I realized! Realized that I was after all running after a mirage. I jumped, missed it, hit hard on the face and injured myself really bad. I cursed! I got up and tried again, because The Man mocked at me. Did I succeed? No, of course not! I got hit even bad. I could not stand up. I lay there, vulnerable, in the middle of irrefutable nothingness staring at The Man with baffled eyes. The Man laughed. Did I learn a lesson? Well, only time will tell.

After many many years, I woke up from eternal gloom. I faced the light, ignored The MAN. I came in front of the sea. The Mighty sea. Eye to eye!

The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head. ~~Into the Wild


P.S: This 'I' in the blog can be anybody! You, me or even The Man's younger brother! You'll have only one life, live it to the fullest! :)

Cobhem and 'em

Once upon a time, in the days of Nicolas Odranguez Mofatu, when he was the ruler of Acris Dabala, there lived a man called Cobhem Thalem.

Cobhem was a man like no other man, no, he was not a woman, but yeah, he was special, ‘unique’ I should say. He was illiterate, he never went to nursery or to school or to high school or to college or to any B-school or…ok…you get the point! He was illiterate. He didn’t even have a PHD, believe it or not. But, this man had a vision, like no other man or woman of his era. He could foresee things, things that’d happen 100 years after him and even things that’d never happen, or things that might have happened if he wanted to foresee it. Apart from vision, he had an ultra-vision, about things that’d happen 1000 years after him and even things that’d never happen or things that might have happened if he wanted to ultra-foresee it and so on and so forth. In short, he had an unrivaled super-intellectual outlook towards life, universe and everything.

There was a section of people who really loved him and appreciated his powers, but then there was a section of people who hated him because he had exceptional powers. The people who hated him were his elders who used to get an inferiority complex when he was around. And there were the cobblers who felt irritated about his comments on Cobbles and Babbles which made no sense to them, thereby they hated him too. And there were the musicians in the court of Nicolas Mofatu, who hated him too for very valid reasons. Cobhem used to come to court and laugh out loud every time the musicians played and made funny noises with his nose mocking the musicians and their ancestral cousins. This made the musicians irritated and thereby the relevant show of hatred towards the guy. And then there were the beggars who hated Cobhem. Cobhem used to give the beggars cork-openers and plenty of them. He found the entire thingy very funny, but the beggars didn’t! They didn’t like red wine or even sparkling wine for that matter. In fact, they couldn’t afford wine. And then there were kids who hated Cobhem. Cobhem used to come to play with the kids and give them weird gadgets and educate them with some philosophical gibberish which didn’t go too well with the kids, in fact, it traumatized ‘em. Apart from all these people mentioned, there were women who hated Cobhem. They hated Cobhem because he never took the right stance. If they asked him to take the right stance, he always took the left stance and this particular thing highly offended woman of all caste, creed and size.

But, the rest loved him. They worshiped him. Many of these mistook him for some GOD or something. He made sense to them whenever he wanted to make sense to them and when they couldn’t make any sense to the fact that their sense didn’t come in terms with the sense that Cobhem tried to make or didn’t try to make, they accepted the fact that Cobhem is actually making sense to them. But, overall, they were happy, a happy bunch of three; Cobhem’s deaf dog, his blind parrot and his arrogant brownish-orange diseased mongoose.

some random lactose stuff!

A life! As soon as we step on to this planet, we start crying, we cry because we are afraid of survival, we are afraid of the irrefutable thought of encumbrance in our daily existence. Well, if we don’t cry, we use words like “Mom….Daddy…..” Our parents become so happy to hear those words, but the poor things don’t realize what the kid’s actually trying to tell. The kid actually says…”Mom…I am hungry, Can’t you see that?”….”Dad…I want that toy…Don’t you understand me” and there starts a way of life, as we’ll call it. “I”. I want this and I want that. It starts with tricycles, dolls, toys, a cricket bat, a football, a guitar, a this and a that! Do we really care for anybody? We’ve come here to live for ourselves, live our life, live our dreams, live our desires, and then peacefully leave this world without even giving a thought about the people who surrounded our very subsistence, and more importantly for that long!

We try to stay within this hypothetical circle we create for ourselves. The circle is filled with “our” needs, “our” demands, “our” friends, “our” dreams. We are scared to step out of this circle, scared because we think we’ll fall. We try our best to stay inside it, and make sure that we are the cynosure of every eye within it. We stoop down to the lowest level of an egotistic being. We leave no stones unturned to satisfy our incredibly huge appetite for worldly pleasures!

Well, let me give you a second chance. A chance to live your life again! Will you live it for somebody else? Do you want to know how it feels to live for somebody else? Do you want to experience how it feels when you leave your so-called-safe-circle and enter somebody else’s and live this life for him/her?

Well, I do. I am tired of cribbing, wanting things for myself. I am tired of being selfish. I really want to be the paradigm of a philanthropic endurance. Ok, that was a little too much, but yeah, something on those lines! :-)

Oh Almighty, if you are reading this blog, please give me a second chance, another life, well, don’t take away this one, just rewind it 26 years and I promise I’ll make you proud! :-D

Mom, Many happy returns of the day yet again! Sorry, I stay so far away from you and I know it sucks, it sucks BIG TIME! Yeah, that is BEING SELFISH. But, I really love you mom! I seriously do! Please forgive me for being such a self-absorbed human being.

And you readers please read this blog and forget about it. Please keep my ‘insane image’ intact! :-$

Ohh yeah, and thanks for all the pheeeesh! ;-)

I neva thought that you'll lose the light in your eyes!

We walk to a place called Lazeez for dinner...sometimes. My room-mate has night-shifts mostly, so after dinner, he goes straight to office, while I walk back home, a 1 Km walk!

One of these days, we went to Lazeez, we ordered some dishes which I really don't remember. We were eating, as usual. I looked down, picked up my glass of water and.... my room-mate wasn't there! I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, drank that glass of water, poured another, finished that too.
I checked, re-checked, shut my eyes, opened it afresh, and found that there was absolutely no plate in front of me. Mine was there, not my roomie's! Did I come alone? Impossible! Am I dreaming? No ways! I picked up my phone, dialled his number.
Me: Hey, Sam!
Sam: Ehh! Hello! Why did you leave while I was taking bath?
Me: Shut up, stop kidding me. Where the #$@% did you disappear?
Sam: Dood, am serious! You just left, even the door is ajar! Where are you?
Me: I am eating...no..was eating..you are here...no there...I mean..you were here...I swear!
Sam: Dood, you need some rest, come back, I'll order my food, don't worry.
Me: Jesus! You are serious? This...this...ahhh..this can't be for real. Okay, am coming!

I paid the bill, and yes, the bill had items that was ordered for me, not my room-mate. I wanted to slap myself hard, in fact I did so! A curious onlooker gave a passing smile to me, and I thought he said.."So, how was it? Don't you realize it? You are being fooled!"

I ignored the guy. Or was it a girl? Nevermind. I walk, no, almost ran home. I saw a dead crow on the road...I've ahhh..never seen a dead crow! For a moment I felt like...the crow got up, walked down the road, followed me and flew up, really high, finally getting lost!

I reached home, wiped off some sweat and a bit of horror from my forehead and eyes respectively. I was shocked to see the door locked. I opened it with the keys that I had! Keys! OMG! I had the keys. Then how did he?! Jesus! I ran inside, of course, my room-mate was not there! I picked up my phone and re-dialled.

Me: Okay! Enough is enough! Tell me, where are you heaven's sake?
Sam: What?! You left, remember, I took my cab, left for office. What's with you?
Me: O, no! Shut up! Nothing is wrong with me. Stop fooling around. Cut the crap.
Sam: Okay, fine. Come online. Check! Am online on Gmail. Dood, am at office, please! Sleep off, I know work is getting into ....
Me: No..no...no...okay, wait! Didn't I call you 20 mins back?
Sam: No, you didn't. Absolutely not. Why will you call me while eating dinner together?! Okay, listen, I've work. Will meet you tomorrow. Bye.
Me: No..ahh..listen..moron...don't... *and the line went dead*

I just couldn't believe what happened! It was beyond me. I sat on my chair and listened to some music and tried to clear my head! Out you go, confused soul!

I finished my novel and walked towards my bed...Dood, you need some rest...Yes, I do. I found a small piece of paper that I threw away when I entered the house. It was the bill! I picked up the paper, my eyes shut. I just didn't want to open my eyes. God, this is it! Prove everybody wrong! I am right! This crazy thing actually happened. And then..with all the courage in the world...I opened my eyes... The bill had...
4 Paranthas
1 Chicken Korma
2 Firnis.
1 Tandoori Chicken (Full)

Jesus! No. :-|

simply Sir.QLC

Here’s an important message for you ladies, and you gentlemen and you immature guinea pigs and don’t feel disgusted my brothers, it’s also for you little baffled navy-green tadpoles.
The message is simple and clear or you can say clearly simple or maybe even simply clear, it’s all upon you, how you interpret it!

Whenever, now carefully get your ear-drums close to my mouth-piece, I was saying, whenever you feel something’s wrong happening to you, something is going absolutely out of your hand, or say something that is not happening as per ‘expected results’, you can just go ahead, drink 125 ml of cold water, flash a wry smile and blame the mishap on Sir.QLC.

Okay, I can see the right hand of yours slowly moving towards the back of your head, trying to scratch, quite simply, the back of your head, well, DON’T DO THAT! Yes, I know, I hardly made sense in the past, I am not making much sense right now, and I am not going to make any sense in the near future or even in the year 3223 A.D.,but still, for this one time, listen to me. So, the point that I was trying to make is, these mishaps are not a fault of yours, you have absolutely no hand in it, or even your left nostril with no offense whatsoever to your right nostril. These are all manipulated by our not so beloved Sir.QLC. Efficiently planned, neatly designed, and proficiently executed with incredible panache! Sir.QLC works with supreme charisma, ruthless in his attitude and carrying an unforgiving demeanor which surely makes your life, hell!

Okay, now before you get all excited about this so called Sir. QLC, it is time to call your mom or check your birth-certificate or even ask your best-friend about a certain thing and that thing my dear friend, is your age. If you have celebrated your 24th birthday already or you are some days away from celebrating your disgusting 26th one, then you are the CHOSEN ONE. You are in ‘that’ phase of your life, where Sir. QLC offers you a helping hand much to your disgust and dismay. Who sends Sir.QLC to you? Well, that GUY whom we call ‘GOD’ or something, has a machine that produces millions of Sir.QLC’s every minute and HE with all his might and attitude, sends Sir.QLC to accompany you in your tough times, to make it even tougher for you.

So, next time, when the hot tea spills over your blue dress and turns it pink with gray dots, you know whom to blame! When your boss slaps you three times and calls you ‘Irrational Mutant’, you know whom to point your finger at! (Err, not to your boss! Keep your disconcerting thoughts away, please!) When the tortured peacock flies over your head and poops on your girl-friend’s head, you know whom to shout at. (Okay, I know the peacock doesn’t fly much nowadays, but getting the point across, is something that I desire!) And finally whenever the tribal people of Greenland come in your dreams, dances with you and beats you to death, you know exactly who in the name of yellow submarines, you are going to hold responsible! So, there you are, now get your smiles back, throw the worries out of the window, and lead a peaceful and beautiful life! Because, simply, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are faultless, you are an ultimate being! Sir.QLC is to be blamed!

As for the rest, if you are having torrid times, blame it on your genes or your neighbor’s irritating German shepherd.

Oh, if you are 25 and you are trying to call your mom now, then the number will be busy, so call later.

P.S: This blog is dedicated to somebody! :)

gifts are beautiful...except buying 'em! :)

Gifts!
Ahhh...how about a watch?!
Naah, too common!
A formal shirt?!
Uhmm..too formal!
Okay, then ahh... a box of chocolates?!
No ways, gimme a break, that's for a kid!
How about a bottle of wine?
He doesn't drink.
Okay, how about a good book, a thoughtful one!?
He doesn't read.
Ahh...then maybe a nice perfume?!
Ohh..No... He smells pretty good.
A photo-frame?
No. Doesn't convey anything!
A collection of good rock n' roll music from the 70's?!
Ohh...He is more of a Gazaal guy!
A free ticket to Paris and 4 days and 4 nights stay below the Eiffel Tower?!
What?!?!?!?
Ok, I was kiddin'...ahhh...a digicam maybe?!
Too expensive.
A charcoal painting of his favorite musician?!
Very boring!
A pink and red-striped tie?! Don't kill me.
I'll give him a dead mongoose rather!
okayy..lemme think... a toiletry bag!?
Very frivolous!
A 8 gb pen-drive and 2 rechargable batteries?!
I am going to kill you now!
Ok..ok...a hunter air rifle?!
He is against violence.
A stainless steel set of 1 spoon, 4 knives and 3 forks?!
You don't love yourself, right?
Hehe..Ok, yeah, I've run out of ideas, now I'll come up with only such bizzarre stuffs!
Guys are hopeless!
I know!

Random Blahs and the not random Blahs and the other kind off Blahs!

15 Supposedly Random things about me.

I picked up this tag from a friend, and here I go!
It's mostly senseless, the what-in-the-name-of-the-dead-lunatic-camel-can-be-interesting-about-you? feeling is also a huge possibility. So, you can stop right away and go and fry potato chips for your pet cat or maybe, even for yourself! Doesn't matter! I won't mind at all!

1. I love the lemon flavored 'AXE-deo' (Recover) very much, but in recent times, like say, 1 year, I've used at least 328 different kinds of deos. I didn't like at least 325 of those. I don't remember the three that I liked!

2. I love my watch so much that I'm ready to relinquish everything in life and be with it, for ever and ever and so on.

3. I've loved 'Good Life' from a long long time, since my college days. If you earthly zenoliaticostics are wondering 'So' and rambling 'We all love a good life', then Madam and their puppets, I'm talking about 'A milk packet'. Disturbing? Yeah, I know!

4. I bought a game-pad last year (It is a set of two) and it was heavily utilized when I used to fight it out with Ravi (my ex-roomie) in games of Fifa 06'. We used to play till early hours of the morning. Now, it just sits bored and rusty and angry! Ahh, good ol'days of madness!

5. I'd love to have a music band of mine, some day, when I'm like 65 or something! ok, am kiddin', but seriously, maybe in the next 2 years! I can sing and all, I mean, the words come out of my mouth in the same order in which I want 'em to come out and that is NOT easy, trust me! I'm pretty okayish with the guitar too. I've almost zeroed down the other guitarists, drummer, Band-Manager (yeah, even that) but not yet a key-board player! *sigh*

6. I've always wanted to go down to London and have some beer, donuts and catch a derby football match between Arsenal and Sp*rs. I just want to 'feel' that feeling! :) At least, 97.6% of my friends know this 'wish' of mine! :-$

7. Till one hour before every blog I write, my brain doesn't have any notes or pre-thoughts about what I'm going to write. I pretty much suck at this 'process'. About 99.82% (or maybe 99.84%, not sure!) of my blogs are instant-write-ups and thereby pathetic to the order of 5.

8. I'm trying to find a suitable date, time, space, a specific atmospheric condition, a specific positioning of the moon, a specific position of the planet Emaro_Zelitesh_0972 of the galaxy of the same name, to sit and prepare for GMAT. Right now, I don't have any news of that 'suitable' all-the-stuffs, but I'll get back to you, once I find out!

9. I suck pretty much at making a playlist when I start working at my office. So, most of the times, I just drag and drop some albums of Maiden, 'tallica, Coldplay, Kings of Leon, or anything that I feel won't bore me during the course of the day. If it does, I don't enter another album, I choose to unplug my head-phones. Yeah!

10. I've watched every episode of 'How I met your mother' multiple times but I don't have time for the 300 odd movies that I've in my hard disk and DVDs. That's strange. When I love some thing, I make it my habit. ok, maybe, that's not really strange! Or is it? Nevamind, that's not even the point! Jesus!

11. I've this desire of having a big house with a 20.1 wireless speakers surround sound system. Every room, every corner of the house will have speakers. At least 2 neighboring houses will also be connected to my Sound System. With time and money, I'll spread the system in my entire colony and then my city and then..ok...am just gettin' carried away. The 'adrenaline' and all that! An 8.1 Altec Lansing for my room will be fine. I can peacefully headbang to 'Maiden's Afraid to Shoot Strangers' and drink Pan-galactic gargle-blasters and romantically think about Muscatian Zombies! :)

12. I love burgers! McD ma favorite! KFC, okay, fine, great! Burger King, never ever tasted it! I would really want to! :-(

13. I am lazy at calling people. Okay, am VERY lazy at calling people. It's like, I decide, 'Am going to call him/her', rehearse all am gonna talk (Made this up! :-$) and then I freeze. I just freeze in fear, as if the Axe-man is behind me chasing the shit out of me! (ok, made this up too! :-$). The thing is, in plain language, am just lazy at calling people! :-( *period*

14. I am eagerly waitin' for a something! I know it's probably not going to happen. But wth, it's cool to wait and be eager and wait and be eager and..ohh..am repeating words! :-|

15. The longer I write, the more 'insane' my write-up gets! It becomes really bizarre sometimes, cutting across madness over the seas and the altars. The birds fall on tress and fracture their wings and the glasses fall on babies and make them cry and people eat and piss me off and I eat and piss people off..but..I don't care...Roda Roda!! Hola Hola! Is that a dead mosqito? Man, I hate dead spiders, feel like bringin' 'em back to life and smashin' their head just to see the greenish-blue pulp....ohh.......darn!!!
...............................

Ohh Balm Ahh ...Who?! What?!

Well, this is like those status update mails you send to your manager while your watch reminds you that you have just ten minutes left to catch the company bus for home.

This is also probably like one of those flying kites-on-the-moon sagas where you know very well that the kite won’t fly or maybe it would and you would wake up holding your forehead in a bitter hangover. After all, ten bottles of ‘Red Bull’ doesn’t necessary give you the energy to run a 50 KM marathon. A disgusting but highly confusing hangover is a more reasonable after-event. I think you got the point. Or maybe you didn’t. But, that doesn’t make any difference whatsoever to your boring life or to understand this blog.

Okay, what was my intent of writing this blog? Let me get started. Yes, finally!

Ballack Obama! Or whatever his name is, I am not really concerned. I am tired to the point of choking myself to death by inserting the entire Hanging Garden of Babylonia into my mouth. Who the buck is he? No, seriously, is he changing the world? Has he promised to do so? How are you so sure about it? Or even on a more basic level, is he the President of the World or just Ukraine? Or whichever country he belongs to?

My problem lies with these Indians. Okay, okay, ‘we’ Indians! Why the buck are we so concerned about this Osama guy? Err…that was the guy who bombed America and escaped right?! The clever terrorist! I hate the guy. He keeps on coming on television and threatens the Americans openly. Man, isn’t he brave? The confusing thing is, who captures the guy on camera? Why the buck doesn’t he know where he is or where this Osama is? Is he on some expired defective cannabis?

Oops, I am sorry, I diverted myself from that Obama guy. I heard he was good at painting and all, in his childhood days. People say, he is not white, he is coloured, now, whatever that means!

We Indians are so obsessed with the Americans (yeah, I just wikied and updated my knowledge-base). Why are we not bothered about our President? I remember the MTV Roadies Show, where spare one female contestant, none had the faintest idea who our President was. Ask them about America and uhmm…well…they are too dumb to even know that! It is a very strange situation. People all over the country (or is it World?!) getting hyper-excited about this Obama guy becoming President of America and delivering a stellar speech and all. I mean, come on, the Abrahams, Kennedys and Clintons gave stellar speeches. What is the big deal NOW with this guy? Just because he is colored? Can’t we just let it be? Some Bocardo Alfanso Timur Junior from the untamed Amazon Basin can go and become the President of Russia! How does it matter? Don’t we have better things to do? Don’t we have more important things to take care of? Like, say, handling the bomb-blasts situation at Mumbai!

Ohh, an update on that situation! I heard we have taken the ‘samples of those blasts’ into some frozen underground lab at South Pole and covered ‘em with Grizzly bear skins so that they become disgusting for the Pakistanis to steal or even contemplate on stealing. Yeah, that’s about it on that front. We have sent beautiful flowers and greeting cards to our friends at Mumbai and asked ‘em not to fear! ‘Be brave, we are there’, has been the message! Beautiful, moving and very thought-provoking I should say.

Yeah, so that’s about it on the Borat Obama Martins front or whatever his name is!

On a personal front, I’ve been overloaded with truck-loads of work. I need to carry truck-loads of metamorphic rocks from Jaipur to Calicut everyday. Stop staring, it is a stupid metaphor, try to feel my pain!

I seriously need a break. Maybe, a peaceful trip to the Himalayas where I can meditate peacefully while playing Iron Maiden on full blast will really help me! Apart from that, I don’t have anything that will excite you or your dull existence, so you can get back to what you were doing or not doing or trying not to do.

Okay, so who is our president, again?! :)

...Done and Dusted with 08!...

Wohh! Nine days already into the new year of Two Oh Oh Nine, and I finally get some time to scribble some good and bad stuffs about the previous year and feel good and bad about it respectively. Ok, honestly, I am plain lazy! I can be so lazy that sometimes I wish the bottle of water kept at a distance of exactly three feet away from me now, just flies and reaches me! OK, let’s not get into that part, some of my wishes can freak people out, way too disturbing!

Ahh, 2008 is no more! First of all, a minute of silence for the same *R.I.P 2008*! I think If I try to summarize the previous year in one word, I would use legen……..wait for it……..dary. Why legendary? No, I didn’t win a lottery ticket! No, I didn’t get a limousine free with a small sachet of a Surf Excel washing powder. No, I didn’t get married to Angelina Jolie or Natasha Henstridge. I was just introduced to the most amazing sitcom mankind had ever heard of/seen. ‘How I met your mother’! Yess! Absolutely brilliant stuff! Talking of sitcoms, I downloaded and scraped through a few more like ‘Coupling’, ‘Southpark’,’Weeds’,’30 Rock’ and even revised episodes of ‘That 70’s Show’. Most of these have permanently taken a very special part in some corner of ma heart!

Learnt the guitar! That’s an achievement; I wasted a lot of time not learning it! That was stupid of me! Very stupid! Thanks to my ex-roomies Ravi and Mondeep, this was possible. I’ll try my best to continue the good process and learn some neat lead, buy a capo, and by year end, I should be able to play ‘Hotel California’ quite flawlessly! Ohh, looks like Resolution One!

I managed to write 22 external blogs; now that is really a small number compared to the number of posts written for my internal corporate blog. I’ll try my best to improve on that number this year. And there’s going to be a huge number of absolutely senseless, highly sickening, psychedelic and irrational posts, I swear! Jeez, Resolution Two it seems!

We ‘Soccer Saturday-Infosys’ almost won a Soccer Tournament, but NO, almost is far far away from WINning it! Guess what, who missed ‘that’ penalty kick that denied us the trophy? Yes, your highness! *takes a deeply disgusted and shameful bow*. I’ll really love to win a trophy this year with my team. Godammit, Resolution Three it seems!

I bought my mean mean gaming machine way back in May, 2008! And guess what, I’ve hardly played any high-end games! Who has the time man, to be mean! I mean, to be sitting-in-front-of-the-mean-machine and play some mean mean high-end-graphics games!! Really sad! Here, I would like to apologize to my GeForce 8600 GT in front of everybody and promise her that I am going to play with her this New Year, a lot! And yes, there goes my resolution Four!

I got into a really good project, learnt a lot of stuffs, and got a chance to work from my client location, though the place is just 20 minutes away from my company. :) I hate the fact, that time is almost up and I’ll have to go back to Infy, really enjoyed the stay ova here, contrary to what I initially anticipated! No, resolutions here!

There are a 1000 other things that kept me occupied, a 10,000 other things that could have kept me occupied and half a million other things that didn’t keep me occupied last year! I don't really remember all of 'em. I'll just leave Black-n-White faded memory scraps below.

The Joker-The Mega Rock Concert-The Typhoid Days-The sad days of Arsenal Football Club-The sad industry-We beat the Aussies-Rick Wright passes away-My first original composition-The visit to Don Bosco NGO-The Terrorist attacks-The Media Seminar-Some lovely memories-Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy-Sorry Bhai-Red Whine-etc-etc-memory fades away

Have an amazing new year, everybody!
And yeah, don’t love/trust anybody more than yourself! :-) You are precious!